And My Vuvuzela!
by BooksMakeMagicForMe
Summary: A continuation of the Random Oliphaunt's fic, 'the fellowship are CRAZY'. When Cat and Erin are thrust into Middle-Earth, chaos and hilarity ensues. Will Erin succeed in driving everyone in Middle-Earth completely insane? Will Cat fall for a certain Rohirrim? Will Gimli kill them both out of sheer boredom? Features appearances from Jack Sparrow, Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann.
1. Selective Amnesia

Chapter 1: Selective amnesia

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings.**

**Super quick flashback:**

'_What's …' Cat trailed off as she took in their surroundings. 'Yep, this is very bad,' she said, looking at the delicately carved white buildings of Rivendell._

oOo

I realized that we were inside, but in a big airy room. I also realized we weren't alone.

'Elrond!' Erin cried. The elf turned round, looking confused.

'I don't think he recognizes us,' I whispered with a sinking feeling.

'Who are you?' he asked.

'I'm Erin. This is my sister, Cat. We're, um… we're here for the Council.'

Elrond frowned. 'Have we met before? I know those names…'

'We've never been to Imladris before,' I said carefully.

'From what land do you come?'

'Scotland,' Erin blurted. Elrond looked confused.

'I have heard of no such place on Middle-earth,' he said.

'We're not from middle-earth,' I said. Elrond raised his eyebrows (and when you've got eyebrows like Elrond's…). 'Indeed? Then it is as I have foreseen…'

_Oh, no_ I thought. _'Foreseen'? _Erin looked equally worried as Elrond continued. 'Two strangers would come, from another land, to aid in the War of the Ring… though whether their efforts would end in good or evil I cannot tell.'

'NOOO!' Erin yelled.

'The hell, Erin?'

'I won't do it! I won't become a Mary-Sue!'

'Relax. Look, your hair's still a normal hair colour.'

Elrond, who had been looking rather bemused by this exchange, turned and spoke to Elladan and Elrohir, who had randomly appeared. 'Show these girls to their guest rooms, Elladan. Elrohir, has the halfing awoken?'

'Wait!' Erin interrupted. The elves stared at her. 'Sorry, but, what's the date today?'

'It is October the twenty-first,' Elrond replied. Erin and I exchanged glances.

'The hobbit is still unconscious, _Ada_.' Elrohir replied. Elrond stood up.

'I must go see to him,' he said. 'Lady Cat, Lady Erin, I wish to talk more with you before the Council starts.' With that, he swept out of the room, followed by one of the twins.

The other one led us to a corridor with loads of doors, and showed us one at the end. 'This leads to your rooms,' he said, and then wandered off.

oOo

Our room was also light and airy, with twin beds and a balcony that looked out over the courtyard entrance-y bit with the archway. I flopped onto one of the beds while Erin began investigating our room.

'So, we get shoved into middle-earth by Saruman, none of the middle-earthians seem to know who we are, and Elrond thinks we have superpowers or something.' I said. 'This day just keeps getting better and better.'

'I guess it's not too surprising that they don't know who we are,' Erin's voice said from outside, where she was standing on the balcony. 'Weren't they at the bit in Rohan when they turned up at our house?'

'Oh, yeah… but Elrond seemed to almost remember.'

'He's a smart cookie.'

'And I guess if he's foreseen that we'll be useful, maybe he'll let us join the Fellowship.' Erin was quiet. '…We _are_ gonna join the Fellowship, right?'

'… Right.'

I sat up, looking at my twin in surprise. 'Don't you want to?'

'Yeah… but it'll be difficult, won't it? Not messing with the plot, not getting killed…'

'Come on! If we don't, we'll just be stuck in Rivendell, where I will go slowly mad with boredom and then drive you slowly mad with annoyingness.'

'Okay, okay, but first you have to promise not to save Haldir.'

'Only if you promise not to save Boromir.' We pinkie-swore on it, and then Erin grinned evilly. 'Let's go explore!'


	2. There Once was an Elf named Glorfindel

Chapter 2: There was once an elf named Glorfindel…

**I still don't own LOTR, or Gandalf Goes to the World Cup.**

**Warning: Elrond has a major OOC fit in this chapter. I'm sorry.**

***Erin's POV***

Cat and I spent the next few days exploring Rivendell and annoying various elves. Cat had taken to screaming 'part thief!' whenever she saw Arwen, and I had been making up limericks about random elves, which really seemed to annoy them for some reason.

oOo

"…He was robbed of his horse and his part of course…" I yelled over my shoulder as Cat and I ran down one of the endless corridors in Rivendell. "…That poor unlucky elf named Glorfindel!" Cat finished. I heard running footsteps getting closer, and we both shoved open a random door and ducked inside.

We were in the Council room, of course. It was only about half full, with the dwarf delegation, Aragorn, some random elves, and Elladan and Elrohir, who were sitting on either side of Elrond's fancy throne thing. One of the twins (I think it was Elrohir) said, "I was not aware you had been invited to the Council."

"We're hiding from Glorfindel," Cat explained. Most of the elves present grinned or looked sympathetic. "You shall be safe here, my Ladies," Elrohir announced, bowing ostentatiously. Cat started giggling hysterically as we sat down behind the elves. I nudged Cat and pointed out Legolas, who was looking pretty bored.

Eventually Borry-bear – I mean _Boromir_ – and his people came in, followed shortly afterwards by Glorfindel, who glared at me and Cat as he swept past. I waved at him. Gandalf and Frodo appeared, and both of them looked and Cat and me as if they recognized us, like Elrond had. _Weird,_ I thought.

Finally Elrond swept in, looking al majestic and elf-lordy. "Strangers from distant lands, friends of old," he began. "You have been summoned here to answer the threat of Mordor. Middle Earth stands upon the brink of destruction; none can escape it. You will unite or you will fall. Each race is bound to this fate, this one doom. Bring forth the ring, Frodo."

Frodo walked forward and put the ring on the table thing in front of Elrond, glancing at Cat and me as he sat down. I stared at the ring. It was shiny, so very shiny…

Cat poked me in the ribs, and I realized I had completely zoned out. "Isildur's Bane," Boromir was saying.

'Boromir!' Aragorn said warningly as Boromir reached out for the ring. Then Gandalf stood up and did his party piece. The sky went dark, and Boromir stepped back in surprise. All the elves winced and Elrond face-palmed. 'Never before has any voice uttered the words of that tongue here, in Imladris.' He snapped.

'I do not ask your pardon, Master Elrond, for the black speech of Mordor may yet be heard in every corner of the West! The Ring is altogether evil!' Gandalf retorted, glaring at Boromir before sitting down.

'No, it is a gift! A gift to the foes of Mordor. Why not use this Ring?' Boromir asked. 'Long has my father, the Steward of Gondor, kept the forces of Mordor at bay. By the blood of _our_ people are your lands kept safe! Give Gondor the weapon of the Enemy. Let us use it against him!'

'You cannot wield it. None of us can.' Aragorn spoke up.

'And what would a Ranger know of this matter?' Boromir sneered. Legolas stood up, glaring at Boromir. 'This is no mere Ranger. He is Aragorn, son Arathorn. You owe him your allegiance.'

'Aragorn? This is Isildur's heir?'

'And heir to the throne of Gondor.'

'_Havo dad,_ Legolas.' Aragorn said. Legolas sat down, still glaring at Boromir.

'Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king.' Boromir muttered as he sat down.

'And apparently Gondor has no brains,' Cat whispered.

'Aragorn is right. We cannot use it.' Gandalf said.

'You have only one choice. The Ring must be destroyed.' Elrond added.

'Well, what are we waiting for?' Gimli yelled, grabbing an axe. He whacked the ring, and the axe shattered. Gimli fell over in surprise.

'The ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli son of Gloin, by any craft that we possess.' Elrond said, smirking slightly. 'It must be taken deep into Mordor and cast into the chasm from whence it came. One of you must do this.' There was silence at this. Then Boromir spoke up again. 'One does not simply walk into Mordor,' he began, and launched into his famous speech. No-one seemed to notice Cat and I silently mouthing the words with him. '…Not with ten thousand men could you do this,' he finished. 'It is folly.'

'Have you heard nothing Lord Elrond has said?' Legolas cried. 'The Ring must be destroyed!'

'And I suppose you think you're the one to do it?' Gimli roared, also leaping to his feet.

'And if we fail, what then?' Boromir had also stood up. 'What happens when Sauron takes back what is his?'

'I will be dead before I see the Ring in the hands of an elf! Never trust an elf!'

'That's a little speciesist,' I commented as the Council erupted into chaos, with most of the elves yelling at Gimli.

'I will take it!' Frodo cried finally, but no-one else heard him. 'I will take it!' he said again. This time people heard him. The arguing died down. 'I will take the ring to Mordor, though – though I do not know the way.' Gandalf looked grave, then walked back over to Frodo. 'I will help you bear this burden, Baggins, as long as it is your burden to bear.'

'Now say it three times fast!' I blurted. Everyone stare at me. 'Sorry. Carry on.' Aragorn gave me a weird look, then knelt before Frodo. 'If by life or death I can protect you, I will. You have my sword.'

'And you have my bow,' Legolas added.

'And my axe!' Gimli and Legolas glared at each other as the dwarf joined them.

'And my vuvuzela!' I yelled, brandishing said instrument.

'And my crazy twin,' Cat said, also standing up, before adding in a whisper, '_Erin where the hell did you get a vuvuzela?'_

'I have my ways,' I said mysteriously. I had actually stolen it from Glorfindel. God knows where _he_ got it.

'They cannot come. They are women,' Gimli snorted. Cat narrowed her eyes, preparing for a long feminist rant, but Elrond of all people butted in. 'They are stronger than they seem,' he said. _We are? OK,_ I thought. 'I have foreseen it,' Elrond added. Aragorn looked skeptical. Elrond sighed. 'Estel, I- I'll let you marry Arwen,' he said, looking desperate. 'Just, please, take them _away_ from here.'

'Were we really that annoying?' I asked, touched.

'You carry the fate of us all, little one.' Boromir interrupted. 'If this is the will of the Council, then Gondor will see it done.'

'Mister Frodo's not going anywhere without me!' Sam cried, popping up from a bush. Elrond smiled. 'Indeed, it is hardly possible to separate you even when he is summoned to a _secret_ council and you are not.'

'Hey! We're coming too!' Merry and Pippin burst out from behind a pillar and ran over to the group. 'You'd have to send us home tied up in a sack to stop us!' Merry added.

'Anyway, you'll need people of intelligence on this mission… quest… thing.'

'Well that rules you out, Pip,' Merry muttered, grinning.

Elrond glanced around, as if making sure that no more hobbits were going to appear, then said, 'Eleven companions… so be it. You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring.'

'Great! … Where are we going?'


	3. Button, Oh Button

Chapter 3: Button, oh button…

**This chapter includes added insanity! MONKEYS!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

***Cat's POV***

We didn't actually leave Rivendell for about a month, during which Aragorn, Boromir and Legolas decided to teach Erin and I how to fight. I'm sure someone, at some point, thought it sounded like a good idea.

'Ow ! It cut me!'

'It's a _sword_, you numpty. They're supposed to be sharp… oops… Sorry Boromir!' He had ducked to avoid the dagger I'd accidentally thrown at his head.

'Would you like to take a break?' Boromir asked.

I hung upside down from a tree branch and watched Erin sparring with Aragorn. She managed to drop the sword twice and eventually to somehow throw it into a tree. The tree I happened to be hanging from, as it happened. I shrieked and fell off my branch, landing on top of Erin, who also shrieked.

'I think perhaps you should try with lighter blades, Lady Erin,' Aragorn suggested, as Erin tried unsuccessfully to pull her sword out of the tree.

'Enough with the 'lady' crap already!' Erin growled.

'Ooh, ooh, can I try archery?' I said excitedly.

''Cos there is nothing cooler, than an elf with a bow…' Erin started to sing. I groaned. 'Please, no, not that song again! Anything but that!'

'_Anything?'_

'NO! Look, Erin, a shiny sword!'

'Shiny!' She stopped singing. I rolled my eyes and picked up a bow.

'So, how does this thing work?' Legolas looked pained at my lack of archery-related knowledge but proceed to show me how to use bow while Erin tried out twin daggers.

'Ow! Stupid sword…'

oOo

The day of our departure finally came. I woke up early, while it was still dark out. Erin was still asleep, until I poked her repeatedly with an arrow. 'OW! The hell?'

'We're leaving today!' I told her excitedly. She groaned.

'_Day_ being the operative word, Catriona. It's still dark out.'

'Party pooper,' I pouted. I was too nervous to sleep, so I decided to get ready.

Following a long and difficult battle with various elf servants, Erin and I had succeeded in getting back our modern-day clothes, so I put on my jeans and hoodie, but wore a pair of dark brown travelling boots and fingerless gloves that were elvish, strapped on my sword and then double-checked my pack. Winter cloak, extra tunic and leggings, fluffy gloves – wait, they were probably fur-lined. Ew. I took out the fluffy gloves and instead packed extra pairs of the fingerless gloves/vambrace thingies – my hidden daggers, and socks.

Erin had fallen asleep again, so I hit her with a pillow until she sat up, looking half asleep. 'It's too early in the morning to be early in the morning,' she mumbled. 'But we'll be leaving soon!' A knock on our door emphasized my point. I opened it and saw Gandalf (or Pointy-hat Dude, as me and Erin like to think of him), Aragorn and Boromir. 'Milady, we will be leaving soon,' Aragorn said. He and Boromir both looked rather surprised at my clothes. ''Kay, Erin's just getting ready – _isn't she_, Erin?' I added over my shoulder. 'Count yourself lucky this world doesn't have makeup,' I told Aragorn.

'I'm ready!' Erin announced. She was also wearing jeans and a hoodie and carrying her pack. I rolled my eyes and we all headed down the stairs and outside to the courtyard. The rest of the fellowship was waiting by the archway, except for Frodo. He turned up a couple minutes later, followed by Elrond.

'The Ring-bearer is setting out on the quest of Mount Doom. On you who travel with him no oath or bond is laid, to go further than you will.' Elrond intoned. 'Farewell. May the blessings of Elves, and Men, and all Free Folk go with you.'

Aragorn and Legolas bowed, hands over hearts, as Gandalf said, 'The fellowship awaits the Ringbearer.' Frodo started through the archway. 'Mordor, Gandalf,' I heard him whisper. 'Is it left or right?'

'Left.' We headed down the left pathway in single file. Aragorn paused for a moment to look at Arwen before following the rest of us.

For about half an hour we all walked in silence, but after a bit a few quiet conversations started up. Erin got bored quickly and was talking with Pippin and Merry, which was worrying. A bored Erin and two mischievous hobbits could only be torture for the rest of us. I somehow, by complete coincidence, ended up walking next to Legolas.

'….Yeah, and then you just repeat it over and over and over again until someone hits you over the head with a chair.' I heard Erin say.

'Oh, no,' I murmured. 'She wouldn't…'

'Wouldn't what?' Stupid elf hearing.

'She's teaching them _the song_.' I told Legolas. He looked confused.

'What song?'

'You'll see.' I replied ominously.

'Altogether now! I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, and this is how it goes. I know a song that'll get on your nerves…'

'Erin, why the hell did you teach them that?'

'I was bored. And besides,' she added in a whisper, 'I thought it might make them remember.'

'…And this is how it goes. I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves…'

'Still, couldn't you have taught them something less annoying?'

'I know a song that'll get on your nerves, and this is how it goes. I know a song that'll get on your nerves…'

'Erin, please stop singing,' Aragorn said eventually. Erin stopped singing for about two seconds, then started up again. 'You're being far too nice to her,' I told Aragorn. 'I'll deal with her.' I lengthened my stride to catch up with Erin and whispered very quietly in her ear: 'If you don't stop singing, right now, I will tell the _entire Fellowship_ that you fancy Boromir.' Erin glared at me, but stopped singing.

oOo

***Erin's POV***

You know the cool walking montage between Rivendell and the crebain attack? Two. Fricking. Weeks. That's how long it took in real life. Two weeks of walking through assorted terrain that usually involved hills. I got bored in the first half hour.

When we were walking over some rocks, I noticed that I was missing a button from one of the pockets on my jeans. 'I lost a button,' I announced. Nobody responded. I hopped up onto a rock and cried dramatically, 'Button, oh button, oh where have thou fled? Did thee tarry too long amongst fabric and thread? Did thee roll off my bosom and cease to exist? How I wish I could follow thee into the mist…' The middle-earthians started at me like I'd grown another head, while Cat cracked up.

oOo

We stopped to make camp at about midday. Boromir started to train with Merry and Pippin while Aragorn watched, occasionally shouting advice. Gimli and Gandalf were arguing about mountains. Legolas was standing on a random rock for some reason. I started singing the campfiresong song, until Cat smacked me on the head. 'Don't you wuv my singing?' I asked her, pouting.

'Damn your puppy-dog eyes! Fine, sing what you want.'

'Ow!' Boromir had accidentally cut Pippin's hand.

'Sorry, sorry!' He cried. Pippin kicked him in the shins, and he and Merry tackled Boromir to the ground.

'What's that?' Sam asked, pointing at the sky.

'Nothing. It's just a wisp of cloud,' Gimli said dismissively.

'It's moving fast…. against the wind.' Boromir said.

'No, it's not.' Cat said.

'Yes, it is.'

'No, it's not.'

'It is!'

'Crebain from Dunland!' Legolas yelled. Everyone rushed to dismantle the camp and hide, except for Cat. 'Look, it's coming _towards_ us, my hair's getting blown out _behind_ me, therefore- HEY!' Legolas dragged her under a bush, moments before the crebain flew past.

'Spies of Saruman.' Gandalf said heavily. 'The passage south is being watched. We must take the Pass of Caradhras.'

'Well, isn't that just peachy.'

**The button lament is from the Potter Puppet Pals: Snape's Diary.**


	4. Rhymes with Cantaloupe

Chapter 4: Rhymes with Cantaloupe

**Disclaimer: I own it all! Everything! Buahahahaha! AND IN THE PLACE OF A DARK LORD YOU WOULD HAVE A QUEEN, AND I WOULD BE AS TREACHEROUS AS THE SEAS! STRONGER THAN THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE EARTH! *snaps out of power-crazed elf mode * Huh? What? Umm…. Yeah. I own nothing… and I will diminish, and go into the West, and remain the Random Olliphaunt (and I shall remain BooksMakeMagicForMe... Yup.)**

***Cat's POV***

'Ohhh the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful…' Erin sang. She had been singing various Christmas songs for over an hour, and everyone was getting slightly annoyed. 'Lady Erin, please stop singing.' Aragorn said for the twelfth time. 'Only if you stop calling me Lady,' Erin replied. I threw a snowball at her. Erin retaliated, but missed and hit Pippin instead. Approximately eight minutes later half the fellowship was embroiled in a snowball fight. 'Ambush Frodo!' Erin shrieked.

'You can't ambush Frodo!' I told her.

'Why not?'

''Cos he's got Aragorn as a human shield.'

Erin rolled her eyes. '_Fine._ Ambush Aragorn!' She threw a massive snowball at Aragorn, which missed and hit Frodo, knocking him over. 'Ooops.' The ring fell off Frodo's neck and landed in the snow, glinting tantalizingly. Boromir picked it up. 'It is strange that we should suffer so much fear and doubt for such a small thin, such a little thing,' he murmured.

'Boromir! Give the ring to Frodo.' Boromir hesitated for a moment, then handed it back. 'As you wish,' he said. 'I care not.' He gave a forced laugh and ruffled Frodo's hair.

oOo

A few hours later, it started to snow in earnest. Everyone struggled along through the heavy drifts, except for Legolas, who was doing his I-pwn-you-laws-of-physics thing and walking on top of the snow. 'Show off,' I muttered. Suddenly Legolas ran ahead, peering into the distance. 'There is a fell voice on the air!' he cried.

'It's Saruman!' Gandalf yelled. There was a crack from further up the mountain, and an avalanche of snow and boulders fell past our ledge.

'He's trying to bring down the mountain! Gandalf, we must turn back!' Aragorn shouted.

'No!' Gandalf argued. '_Losto Caradhra, sedho, hodo, nuitho i ruith!' _Lightning struck at the top of the mountain, and an even bigger avalanche started, burying us all under the snow.

***Erin's POV***

Guess what? Snow is cold. And we were buried under about a ton of it. I clawed my way out of the drift in time to see the hobbits popping up like meerkats. 'We must get off the mountain! Make for the Gap of Rohan and take the west road to my city!' Boromir yelled.

'The Gap of Rohan takes us too close to Isengard!' Aragorn argued.

'If we cannot pass over the mountain, let us go under it. Let us go through the mines of Moria.' Gimli suggested.

'You look funny covered in snow,' was my weighty contribution to the debate.

'Let us go through Moria,' Gimli urged.

'Let the ring bearer decide.' Gandalf said.

'We cannot stay here! This will be the death of the hobbits!' Boromir yelled.

'Why are you shouting so loudly?' Cat asked.

'Frodo?' That was Gandalf.

'We will go through the mines,' Frodo said. Gandalf sighed.

'So be it.'

oOo

We trekked back down the mountain. It was cold. And boring. Cat threatened me with disembowelment if I threw any more snowballs.

Eventually we stopped by a stretch of rock that looked almost exactly the same as the rest of the stretch of rock we'd been walking past. 'The walls of Moria,' Gimli proclaimed. 'Dwarf doors are invisible when closed.'

'Yes, Gimli, their own masters cannot find them if their secrets are forgotten.' Gandalf said.

'Why doesn't that surprise me?' Legolas muttered.

'Ah, now let me see… Ithildin. It mirrors only starlight… and moonlight.' Gandalf said, running his hands over the rock. On cue, the clouds parted and a shaft of moonlight touched the wall. 'Coincidence? I think NOT!' I yelled. Everyone gave me weird looks.

An intricate silver design appeared on the rock. 'It reads, 'the doors of Durin, Lord of Moria. Speak, friend, and enter.'

'What do you suppose that means?' Merry asked.

'Oh, it's quite simple.' Gandalf replied. _Famous last words,_ I thought. 'If you are a friend, you speak the password and the doors will open.'

_Two hours later…_

'I'll give you a clue,' I shouted. 'It rhymes with cantaloupe.'

'You know the password?' Boromir yelled. 'Why did you not speak of this earlier?'

'No, do not tell us,' Gandalf commanded. 'Your presence in this world may have already altered things. Do not seek to change events further.'

'Besides, nothing rhymes with cantaloupe,' Cat added.

'What about antelope?' I asked.

'The password's not antelope!'

'It _could_ be.'

'Are you truly from another world?' Boromir asked. I nodded.

'And in our world, this world is just in a book.'

'And a film,' Cat added.

'Film?' Legolas asked, randomly appearing.

'It's kinda like a play, but not.' Cat explained. 'So you guys are all characters, played by actors.'

'AHA!' I yelled. Cat, Boromir and Legolas jumped. 'Guess what _I_ found!'

'Why on earth would bring your iPod to middle earth?' Cat asked, looking at the gadget I had found in my pack. 'It's not like I was planning on coming here,' I pointed out. 'Now, what annoying and potentially mind-scarring songs can we torment them with…?'

'What is that object?' Boromir asked.

'It plays music,' I told them. 'Like this…' I tapped the screen a few times, and a minute later faint music started playing. The middle-earthians looked slightly scared. Cat grinned evilly, and we both started singing loudly, '_Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you, never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt youuuu…'_The middle-earthians' expressions turned from curiosity to fear and horror. I burst out laughing at their faces.

'Rickroll!' Shrieked Frodo, and tried to hide behind Gandalf.

'How does he…' Cat started to say, but stopped when the waters of the lake started to ripple. 'Do not disturb the waters,' I heard Aragorn tell Pippin and Merry, who stopped throwing rocks into the lake.

'Oh, it's useless,' Gandalf sighed, sitting down on a rock. Suddenly Frodo stood up, looking excited. 'It's a riddle!' he exclaimed. 'Speak_friend_ and enter… What's the Elvish word for friend?' He asked Gandalf.

'Oh sure, ask _Gandalf_.' I muttered. 'Don't ask the actual _elf_ for _Elvish_ translations, oh no…' Everyone gave me weird looks.

'_Mellon,' _Gandalf said slowly, and the doors swung open. Gandalf put a luminous crystal thing on the top of his staff, illuminating the mine.

'Soon, Master elf, you will enjoy the fabled hospitality of the dwarves! Roaring fires, malt beer, red meat off the bone.'

'Ew,' Cat said. 'Haven't you people heard of heart disease?' Gimli glared at her briefly before continuing, 'This, my friend, is the home of my cousin, Balin. And they call it a mine. A _mine!_'

'This is no mine.' Boromir agreed. 'It's a tomb!' The light from Gandalf's staff-crystal revealed rotting corpses strewn over the floor. 'No! NOOO!' Gimli cried. Legolas pulled an arrow from the body of a dwarf. 'Goblins,' he hissed, fitting an arrow to his bow. Boromir and Aragorn drew their swords. I reached for one of my daggers.

'We make for the Gap of Rohan. We never should have come here.' Boromir said. Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin started backing out of the doorway. 'Now get out of here, get out!'

'FRODO!' Sam, Merry and Pippin yelled, as the little hobbit was grabbed by a tentacle and pulled off his feet.

'Strider!' Sam called. 'Get off him! Strider!' He hacked at the tentacle with his sword. The tentacle disappeared for a moment, and suddenly the whole surface of the lake was writhing with tentacles. A whole bunch of them grabbed Frodo again, this time pulling him into the air.

'Frodo!' Merry screamed. Legolas ran out and shot an arrow at one of the tentacles. Boromir, Aragorn, Cat and I ran out to help. 'Strider!' Frodo yelled. A huge slimy head rose out of the water.

Aragorn sliced through the last tentacle holding Frodo, and the hobbit fell into Boromir's arms.

'Into the mines!' Gandalf shouted.

'Legolas!' Boromir shouted. The elf took aim and fired an arrow into the tentacle-thing's face.

'Into the cave!' Aragorn shouted. As we ran into the mine, some of the sea-monster's tentacles snaked out one last time and slammed the doors shut. There was a deafening crack, and the entrance disappeared under a mound of crumbling rock. There was total darkness and utter silence, then Cat's voice.

'I suppose this is a bad time to mention that I'm claustrophobic?'

'Yes. Yes it is.' I told her. The light from Gandalf's staff reappeared.

'We have but one choice,' he said gravely. 'We must face the long dark of Moria. Be on your guard. There are older and fouler things than orcs, in the deep places of the world.'


	5. Mother Nature Sticks her Oar In

Chapter 5: Mother Nature Sticks Her Oar In

**Disclaimer: I cannot be bothered to write the disclaimer. One of you must do it.**

**Boromir: One does not simply do the disclaimer…. Not with ten thousand stolen characters could you do this. It is folly.**

**Legolas: Have you heard nothing the random olliphaunt has said? There must be a disclaimer!**

**Gimli: And I suppose you think you're the one to do it? I will be dead before I see the disclaimer in the hands of an elf! Never trust an elf!**

**Random oliphaunt: NEVER INSULT LEGOLAS GREENLEAF IN FRONT OF ME! *stabs Gimli with magical pink umbrella***

**Frodo: I will do it! I will do the disclaimer… though I do not know the way… *ahem* the author of this story owns only her OCs, Cat and Erin. She does not own anything else.**

**Elrond: Well said, young Baggins! Now, about this Ring business…**

**BooksMakeMagicForMe: ONWARDS!**

***Cat's POV***

'Quiet now. It's a four-day journey to the other side. Let us hope that our presence here may go unnoticed.' Gandalf continued. Erin reached down and picked something off the ground. 'Look, a shiny dagger!' she said, shoving the knife practically under Legolas's nose. The elf smiled and nodded, looking slightly freaked out. I laughed. 'I swear she is part magpie.'

'Hey!' Erin said, offended, 'I am not part mag-ooh, a shiny wall!'

'The wealth of Moria was not in gold, or jewels, but in Mithril.' Gandalf explained, holding up his staff to illuminate silvery veins running through the rock. 'Bilbo had a shirt of Mithril rings that Thorin gave him.' He added.

'That was a kingly gift.' Gimli said.

'Oh yes! I never told him, but it's worth was greater than the value of the Shire!' I saw Frodo's eyes widen.

***Erin's POV***

We spent the rest of the day on the beautiful nature walk that is Moria. Darkness, slimy walls, occasional goblin corpses – Moria is truly _the _tourist destination of the year. Eventually we stopped for the night. I sat down near the hobbits, on the grounds that I was more likely to get food that way.

'Erin, are you injured?' I looked down and saw a small bloodstain on my jeans. _Crap,_ I thought._ Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap._ 'No, Pippin, I'm fine.'

'But – you're bleeding…'

'No I'm not. Your _face_ is bleeding!' I left the hobbits looking confused and walked over to where Aragorn was sitting deep in discussion with Legolas. 'Um, Aragorn, do you have any, um, cloth I could borrow?'

'What do you need it for?' The Ranger asked, holding up a piece of cloth.

'…I just do.'

'Why?'

'Because.'

'Because what?'

'Because because.' He looked slightly suspicious. I took a deep breath and said calmly, 'Because if you don't give it to me, I will blow this vuvuzela so loudly that your pretty little elfboy won't be able to hear properly for a week, and then I will bite off your arm and take it from your cold, dead fingers.' OK, maybe not so calmly. Aragorn handed over the cloth, he and Legolas both looking pretty freaked out.

oOo

***Cat's POV***

I woke up early on our second day in Moria. Well, I was _woken_ up early. Erin was talking in her sleep again.

'But, Draco, the vampires are still out there! It's too dangerous! ... not even the Vorpal sword could kill them all in time.'

The rest of the fellowship was still asleep, except for Legolas, who didn't sleep, being an elf.

I noticed that the elven leggings I was wearing were covered in blood. 'Oh bloody hell.' I groaned. I quickly changed into my jeans and then walked over to Legolas, wondering if there was a handy hole in the ground I could sink into and never be seen again. 'Um, Legolas, do you have any cloth I could borrow?'

'Here, just take it. Please.'

'Um… thank you….'

oOo

'Really? No brownies or chocolate cake or mars bars?'

'No, miss Erin. I've never heard of chocolate before.'

'Really?' I asked, walking over to where Erin was in deep discussion with the hobbits. 'They don't have chocolate here?'

'No,' Erin said sadly.

'Why not?' I demanded.

''Cause Tolkien wasn't a woman.' Erin suggested.

We stopped at a place where three tunnels branched off. 'I have no memory of this place,' Gandalf announced.

'Wonderful.' Everyone spread out around the crossroads and waited for Gandalf to remember. 'Typical man,' Erin muttered. 'Never asks for directions.' I grinned.

'Are we lost?' Pippin asked.

'No.' Merry replied.

'I think we are.'

'Shhh. Gandalf's thinking!'

'Hey, Merry.'

'_What?_'

'I'm hungry.'

After about ten minutes, Erin started playing her vuvuzela. I took it and hit her over the head with it. 'Hey man, you broke my vuvuzela!' she complained.

'It was for the greater good.' I told her. Aragorn, Legolas, Boromir, Gimli, Pippin, Merry and Sam all nodded in agreement. Frodo was talking to Gandalf. I realized this must be where Gollum turned up. _Brilliant, now we have to deal with creepy stalker dude on top of anything else._

'Do you think we should warn them?' Erin said quietly.

''Bout what?' I asked absently.

'_You-know-who.'_

'VOLDEMORT!?' I shrieked. The fellowship looked at me like I'd gone crazy. Erin facepalmed.

'No! The _Balrog._' She whispered the last word.

'Oh, _that_. No.'

'But-'

'Who knows what would happen if we stopped it?' I whispered.

'But it feels wrong! They trust us; we should help them!'

'You have to be cruel to be kind. Or is it the other way round?'

'I think it might the other way round.'

'You have to kind to be cruel? That doesn't seem right, somehow…'

'Ah! It's that way!' Gandalf exclaimed, breaking off our deep philosophical discussion.

'He's remembered!' Merry said happily.

'No, but the air doesn't smell so foul down here. If in doubt, master Meriadoc, always follow your nose.' We set off again.

oOo

Eventually we came to another cavern. 'Let me risk a little more light,' Gandalf said, lifting his staff. The light from it grew brighter, and we could see pillars and archways carved into the stone, reaching high up into the shadows. 'Behold! The great realm of the dwarven city of Dwarrowdelf!'

'Well, there's an eye-opener and no mistake!' Sam breathed.

Suddenly Gimli ran through a doorway off the side of the cavern. 'Gimli!' Gandalf called after him, but the dwarf paid no heed. We followed him, and found him sobbing over what looked like a grave. '"Here lies Balin, son of Fundin, Lord of Moria." He is dead then. It is as I feared.' Gandalf said gravely. Gimli said something in Dwarvish. Gandalf took off his hat, handing both it and his staff to Pippin, and removed a large book from the grasp of a skeleton.

'We must move on, we cannot linger!' Legolas whispered to Aragorn.

'No shit, Sherlock,' Erin muttered.

'"They have taken the bridge, and the second hall,"' Gandalf read aloud from the book. '"We have barred the gates, but cannot hold them for long. The ground shakes. Drums, drums in the deep… we cannot get out. A shadow moves in the dark. We cannot get out… They are coming!"' There was a sudden crash, and we all turned to see Pippin, who was standing by a well, looking guilty. The crash echoed down the well, as the bucket and chains followed the skeleton that Pippin had accidentally pushed into the well. Gandalf glared at Pippin. 'FOOL of a Took!' He snarled, taking his staff and hat from the hobbit. 'Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity!'

'Hey! Be nice to Pippin!' Erin reprimanded Gandalf. There was a sudden _boom_ from somewhere deep in the mines. Everyone froze. There was another drumbeat, then another, and another. Each one was louder and closer. Frodo drew his sword, which glowed blue. 'Orcs!' Legolas shouted.

'Bar the door!' Gandalf said. Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas, Erin and me all rushed to the doors and began to barricade them.

'They have a cave troll,' Boromir said in a fake-happy voice, peering through the doors.

'Let them come! There is one dwarf in Moria who still draws breath!' Gimli cried, brandishing his axe. The doors burst open and orcs poured into the room. I drew my sword as an orc appeared in front of me, and stabbed it in the chest.

I cut a path through the orcs to where Erin was. She managed to stab two orcs at once and kneed another in the chest. 'Mwahaha! That's why you don't mess with a chocolate-deprived, PMSing teen!' She yelled. I tapped her on the shoulder. 'Um, Erin? Hate to ruin your fun, but there's a badass cave troll about to break through…' She nodded, and we both ran back to where the rest of the hobbits were.

The cave troll appeared, roaring. 'So _that's_ what McGonagall did with it,' Erin breathed. The troll swung its chain at Legolas, who dodged it easily. 'Like a boss!' I yelled at him. Then I heard a metallic sound behind me, and turned to see a small group of orcs approaching. 'Erin!' I called out. She turned as well, and we took out the orcs together. 'Ow! Bloody orc!' One of them managed to cut me on my right arm. I stopped, clutching it. 'Cat?' Erin said, looking concerned.

'I'm fine. The more a cut bleeds, the shallower it is, right?'

'Ummm…' Erin looked unconvinced, but there was a sudden _thud_ as the troll hit the ground. I hadn't even seen the hide-and-seek battle it had with Frodo. 'Come on, let's go help Frodo!'

Frodo was fine. 'You should be dead! That spear would have skewered a wild boar.' Aragorn said in surprise.

'I think there is more to this hobbit than meets the eye.' Gandalf put in.

'Duh! He's only the _Ring-bearer!_' Erin exclaimed. I sighed. Frodo opened his shirt, revealing the mithril jacket.

'Here's a pretty hobbit-skin to wrap an elven princeling in!' I quoted.

'Mithril! You are full of surprises, Master Baggins.' Gimli gasped. Just then, we heard the footsteps of yet more orcs coming towards us.


	6. Were There Pirates in the Book?

Chapter 6: There _definitely_ weren't pirates in the book…

**Disclaimer: Gollum is going to do the disclaimer for this chapter.**

**Gollum: No! No! That would kill us! KILL US!**

**Random olliphaunt: *rolls eyes* well we wouldn't want **_**that**_**, now would we? Fine, Nazgul number 5 can do it.**

**Nazgul number 5: I have a name, you know. It's **_**Martin.**_

**Everyone: …**

**Martin the Nazgul: Just because I happen to be dressed identically to the other eight, people think I don't have a personality. They think I'm just another cloaked weirdo. They never even bother to learn my name. They…**

**Aragorn: *hits Martin over the head with a chair* The authoress owns nothing except her OCs.**

**Martin the Nazgul: *regains consciousness* See? See? This is just the sort of abuse I'm talking about! *subsides into angry muttered ranting***

**BooksMakeMagicForMe: I own nothing. Not even the plot... I HAVE NOTHING IN LIFE! *Has mental breakdown***

***Erin's POV***

We ran into another hall, just as ornately carved as the last. Orcs either ran in after us or crawled down from the ceiling, and soon we were surrounded. Suddenly a fiery glow appeared at one end of the hall, accompanied by an ominous rumble. The orcs shrieked and scuttled back up to the ceiling. 'What is this new devilry?' Boromir asked.

'A Balrog – a demon of the ancient world.' The wizard replied, looking grave. The rumbling growl sounded again. 'This foe is beyond any of you. Run!'

'Nice to know he has such faith in our fighting abilities,' I grumbled as we ran through another doorway. 'Quickly!' Gandalf warned, glancing backwards. 'Lead them on, Aragorn! The bridge is near!' The ranger hesitated. 'Do as I say! Swords are no more use here.' The Balrog roared again.

We ran down a staircase, pausing at a gap in them. Legolas jumped it easily, and beckoned to Gandalf. He jumped across, followed by Boromir who was carrying Pippin and Merry. Cat jumped next. She fell a little short at the other side, but Legolas pulled her up. Now it was my turn. I stared at the gap, which seemed to have grown wider. 'Jump, you idiot!' Cat yelled. I took a few steps backwards and ran up to the gap, then jumped. I also fell a little short, but Cat pulled me up. Next was Sam, who had been thrown by Aragorn. He tried to do the same with Gimli, but Gimli shouted, 'Nobody tosses a dwarf!', before jumping over. He slipped slightly when landing, and Legolas grabbed his beard. 'Not the beard!' the dwarf howled.

'Would you rather he let go?' Cat asked him. The steps started to crumble on the other side, and we all watched anxiously as Aragorn picked up Frodo and the two of them jumped. They barely made it before the stairs behind them collapsed. 'Over the bridge! Fly!' Gandalf commanded. We ran on, until a thin stone bridge appeared. 'We have to cross _that?_' I asked, as we did so. Except for Gandalf.

The wizard stayed behind, facing the Balrog. 'You cannot pass!' He roared.

'Gandalf!' Frodo screamed.

'I am the servant of the secret fire, wielder of the flame of Arnor! The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udun! Go back to the shadows!' The Balrog roared again. 'YOU… SHALL NOT… PASS!' Gandalf yelled, banging his sword and staff together. The bridge collapsed under the Balrog, who plummeted into the chasm. Gandalf turned to follow us. _Look out! _I wanted to yell, but I couldn't. II just watched as the Balrog's flaming whip reappeared and wound itself round Gandalf's ankle, dragging him over the edge.

Gandalf clung on to the bridge, trying to drag himself onto it again. Frodo started to run forward, but Boromir held him back. 'No, no!' he yelled.

'Gandalf!' Frodo screamed.

'Fly, you fools!' Gandalf hissed, before slipping over the edge.

'POINTY-HAT DUDE! NOOO!' I screamed. Cat looked equally stunned; knowing that it was going to happen hadn't made the wizard's 'death' any easier. There were still flickering shadows on the bridge, cast by the light of the Balrog's fire. Fire… I shivered, and then turned to follow the others out of the mine.

***Cat's POV***

Somehow we made it out of the mines, with orcs firing arrows at us from all directions. As soon as we were in the relative safety of the open air, everyone collapsed on the ground. I noticed the hobbits were crying silently, and Erin seemed to have gone into shock.

'You could have saved him!' I turned to see Legolas, his eyes filled with grief and anger.

'I-'

'You knew this would happen! You could have saved him!'

'He had to die!' I burst out. I noticed that the rest of the fellowship was watching us, apart from Erin who was still sitting, hugging her knees. 'Yes, we could have saved Gandalf,' I continued. 'But what if we had? Saving his life could have meant the doom of Middle Earth!' Maybe I was exaggerating slightly. 'Butterflies,' I said suddenly, remembering something our teacher had explained to us in primary five. 'If you went back in time, you would have to be careful not to change anything, anything at all. Even stepping on a butterfly could completely change history! Gandalf had to die!'

'I understand. My apologies.' Legolas said, nodding. Aragorn looked around warily.

'We have stayed here too long,' he said. 'Legolas, get them up.'

'Give them a moment, for pity's sake!' Boromir pleaded.

'By nighttime these hills will be crawling with orcs. We must reach the woods of Lothlorien. Come, Boromir, Legolas, Gimli, get them up!' While they went and shook the hobbits, I walked back over to Erin.

'C'mon, we have to go now.'

'Is she all right?' Aragorn asked, concerned.

'I don't like… fire.' Erin said distantly. I pulled her to her feet, and we started walking again. I noticed that the hobbits were now looking at Erin and me almost distrustfully.

***Erin's POV***

We stopped once on the way to Lothlorien, on a random cold dark bit of hill. Did I mention the cold and the dark?

'Milady, are you all right?' Boromir asked, randomly appearing.

'Yes, but if you call me 'milady' one more time, _you_ won't be!' I growled.

'My apologies, milady. It is a mark of respect from where I come from.'

'Go step on a Lego brick!' I snapped.

'Forgive me, but are you ill? You have seemed… out of sorts lately.'

'I'm fine. I'm sorry I snapped at you. Just going through a rather … difficult, hehe, period of my life.'

Boromir seemed unconvinced. 'Aragorn is a healer,' he was saying. 'If you are ill, he could help…' I burst out laughing at this. Boromir looked at me like I was insane, which made laugh even harder. 'Seriously, I'm _fine_.' I told him when I could speak coherently. 'We should set off again,' Aragorn called out.

'Sheesh, who died and made you leader?' I grumbled. Cat facepalmed. 'Oh yeah. My bad. Sorry…'

Suddenly we heard three loud thumps, and a steady stream of swearing. Everyone drew their weapons and looked around warily for the source of the noise. Then three figures stepped into view.

The man in front had dark dreadlocks and was wearing a red bandanna and pirate hat, and a long dark overcoat thing. I noticed he had two pistols and a sword. The other man had shorter hair and was dressed like an eighteenth-century merchant, complete with rapier and red cloak. The woman standing between them had blonde hair, dark eyes and was wearing a cream dress with lacy cuffs. (A/N: have you guessed who they are yet? Have you? Huh? Huh? Have you?)

'What are your names? Are you spies of the enemy?' Aragorn asked aggressively. The pirate-hat guy raised an eyebrow. 'Name's Captain Sparrow, and this isn't Tortuga…'

'Wait, nobody kill anyone!' I said quickly, stepping forward. Captain Jack raised an eyebrow. 'You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?'

'Umm… no.' I turned to Aragorn, who still looked slightly murderous. 'You know how we come from a different world? Well, _they_ come from a … _different _different world, if that made any sense.' Aragorn nodded slowly.

'Here, mate, got any rum?' Jack asked hopefully.

While that had been going on, Elizabeth was looking in shock between Legolas and Will Turner, who were warily sizing each other up. Jack turned round as well, and did a double take. 'Are you related?' He asked. Both incarnations of Orlando Bloom shook their heads. The rest of the fellowship was now also staring at them in surprise. Jack frowned. 'You're not a eunuch, are you?' He asked Legolas, who glared at him and muttered something in Elvish that I couldn't quite hear (which was just as well, because it was probably unprintable).

'What's a eunuch?' Merry asked. Everyone stared at him for about a minute, then continued with the whole threatening-the-pirates game.

'What is your business here?' Aragorn asked threateningly.

'Well, it _was_ my intention to raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out, but you seem like far too _honourable_ a gentleman to let something like that happen…'

'Jack, you said you were going to show us Singapore… _without_ breaking any laws.' Elizabeth said.

'Pirate, luv.'

'If you are not spies of the enemy then we have no quarrel with you, but I would advise you to find shelter soon. We are travelling to Lothlorien with a pack of orcs on our heels.' Aragorn said, looking around warily.

'Lothlorien? Brilliant! I love Lothlorien!' Jack said happily.

'You've been here before?' Will asked him.

'I've been everywhere, mate. Savvy?'

oOo

We eventually reached the outskirts of Lothlorien.

_You are known to us, Erin and Catriona às Alba._

'Oh no, the voices are back! Shut up Voices!' I exclaimed, causing everyone else to give me seriously freaked-out looks. Then I realized it was probably just Galadriel.

'Stay close, young hobbits.' Gimli whispered. 'They say a great sorceress lives in this woods. An elf-witch of terrible power. All who look upon her fall under her spell… and are never seen again. Well, here's one dwarf she won't ensnare so easily. I have the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox.' There was a faint metallic noise.

'The dwarf breathes so loud, we could have shot him in the dark.' Haldir said.

**Às Alba = From Scotland (Gaelic)**

**Is Erin's dislike of fire simple arsonphobia or hints of a Dark Past? Hmmm… you'll have to wait and see… *throws on Cloak of Mystery and runs off, cackling***

**Martin the Nazgul: HEY! You stole my cloak! Kids today, think they can do anything. Nobody has any respect for ringwraiths anymore… grumble mutter grumble…**


	7. Poncy Elves and Magic Mirrors

Chapter 7: Poncy elves and magic mirrors

**Disclaimer: Seeing as we have some very special guests this chapter, I'm going to let one of them do the disclaimer.**  
**Will Turner: Do we have to?**  
**Legolas: Milady, I would be more than happy to do the disclaimer.**  
**Will: The task was appointed to me!**  
**Legolas: No, no, I insist…**  
**Random olliphaunt: OMG Will Turner and Legolas are arguing! *Dies of fangirling***  
**Martin the Nazgul: This is my chance to shine! The authoress owns nothing except her OCs.**  
***Erin's POV***  
'Haldir!' Cat wailed, and burst into tears.

'What's wrong with her?' asked Legolas.

'Everyone has a different theory,' I sighed. Legolas gave me a weird look.

'I meant, why is she crying?'

'Oh. Ummm… Yes, Cat, tell the pretty elf why you're crying.'

'Everyone dies,' she sobbed. I patted her on the head.

'There, there. Who knows, we could be following the book canon… shit, did I say that out loud?'

'Mae govannen, Legolas Thranduilion.' Haldir said, after looking at me and Cat weirdly.

'Govannas vîn gwennen le, Haldir o Lórien.' Legolas replied. Haldir turned to look at Aragorn.

'A, Aragorn in Dúnedain istannen le amen.' He said.

'Haldir.' Aragorn responded, bowing.

'So much for the legendary courtesy of the elves! Speak words we can all understand!' Gimli growled.

'I'm with midget on this one,' I offered.

'Erin, we don't annoy people with pointy weapons.' Cat muttered.

'We have not had dealings with dwarves since the Dark Days.' Haldir sneered.

'And do you know what this dwarf says to this? Ishkhaqwi ai durugnul!'

'That was not so courteous!' Aragorn snapped, slapping the dwarf. Haldir raised an eyebrow, then turned to the pirates. 'Ah, Jack Sparrow,' he said icily. 'I see you have brought ... friends.'

'Haldir, mate! I see your hair's grown back. Sorry about that, by the way… and you've brought friends too! Excellent!' He nodded at the other elves that were all pointing bows and arrows at us. Haldir rolled his eyes, and then looked at Frodo. 'You bring great evil with you,' he stated.

'You can go no further.' He started to walk away, but Aragorn followed, arguing in Elvish.

'So, how did you end up in middle-earth?' I asked Elizabeth. She frowned.

'To be honest, I'm not really sure,' she said. ' We were on a ship, and then everything went white, and then we were here.'  
'But Jack's been here before?'

'So it would appear –what are they doing?' I followed her gaze and saw Legolas and Will, who appeared to be arguing fiercely.

'Oh, I'm sorry, I should have realised. A bow and arrow must seem very complex compared your piece of sharpened metal.'

'This sharpened metal could cut off that hair of yours pretty easily…'

'NEVER THREATEN ELF HARI! AAGGGHHH!' Cat shrieked, and smacked Will on the back of the head. Everyone looked slightly freaked out by this. Just then Haldir appeared, looking sulky. 'You will follow me,' he said, sulkily.

'Aww, poor wickle grumpy elf.'

***Cat's POV***  
After about an hour of walking, we reached the elven city. 'Caras Galadhon … the heart of Elvendom on earth. Realm of the Lord Celeborn and of Galadriel, Lady of Light.' Haldir proclaimed. We walked through it, marvelling at the trees that had grown into the shapes of graceful buildings.

We eventually came to the base of a huge spiralling staircase. Haldir and the other Galadhrim who had escorted us stood off to one side slightly. I could just make out two figures descending it. Celeborn and Galadriel, both clad in white and seeming to glow from within. The hobbits stared, open-mouthed. Aragorn bowed his head slightly.

'The enemy knows you have entered here.' Celeborn intoned. 'What hope you had in secrecy is now gone. Ten there are, yet eleven there were, set out from Rivendell. Tell me, where is Gandalf, for I much desire to speak with him. I can no longer see him from afar.'

'Did he just say he wanted to sleep with Gandalf?' Erin whispered. I rolled my eyes.

'_Speak_ with him.'

'Ohh. This scene makes more sense now.'

'Gandalf the Grey did not pass the borders of this land. He has fallen into shadow.' Galadriel said wonderingly. Celeborn looked disbelievingly at his wife.

'He was taken by both shadow and flame – a Balrog of Morgoth, for we went needlessly into the net of Moria.' Legolas's voice was filled with sorrow.

'Needless were none of the deeds of Gandalf in life. We do not yet know his full purpose.' Galadriel said. 'Do not let the great emptiness of Khazad-dum fill your heart, Gimli son of Gloin, for the world has grown full of peril and in all lands love is now mingled with grief.' She turned to look at Boromir, who held her gaze for a few seconds before looking down, weeping silently.

'What now becomes of this fellowship? Without Gandalf hope is lost.' Celeborn asked.

'The quest now stands on the edge of a knife. Stray but a little and it will fail, to the ruin of all. Yet hope remains while the company is true.' Galadriel replied, in the same dreamy voice as before. 'Do not let your hearts be troubled. Go now and rest for you are weary with sorrow and much toil. Tonight you will sleep in peace.'

oOo

Jack, Will and Elizabeth disappeared somewhere, and the rest of the fellowship were shown to a flet to rest on, but Galadriel held me and Erin back. 'I would speak with you, daughters of Alba.' We started walking through the forest again. 'You have fared well in this world since arriving here,' she continued.

'Wait, you...' I started to say.

'Yes. I remember your world. Saruman's trickery has not erased my mind.'

'Do you know why he brought us here?'

'I am not privy to all the decisions of the Valar.'

'Um, no offence Galadriel, but I'm pretty sure it was Saruman who sent us here.' Erin said. Galadriel smiled her mysterious-all-knowing-elf-queen smile. 'Saruman was but a puppet,' she said. 'He sent you here, but it was only with the powers of the Valar that he was able to accomplish such a feat.'

'But why do they want us here? Why would the Valar help Saruman?'

'That I do not know. But it was by the grace of the Valar that you were sent here, and it is by the grace of the Valar that you will be sent back.'

We had stopped near a large basin, into which Galadriel poured a jug of water. 'Will you look into the mirror?' She asked.

'What will we see?'

'Even the wisest cannot tell. But perhaps for you, it will show you your home.' Erin and I exchanged glances, then stepped up to the mirror.

At first, I saw nothing, but then the water rippled and what looked like a newspaper appeared. Search continues for missing girls, read the headline. After that, more images flashed up, too quickly for me to see them properly. The site where Cathorn apartments used to be, now nothing more than charred rubble. Mum speaking to policemen and reporters, looking tearful. Posters with a photo of me and Erin on them, stuck up around the town where we lived.

I looked up from the mirror and glanced over at Erin,who was staring in shock at Galadriel. 'We have to go back,' she said.

'It is not your choice to make,' Galadriel said gently. 'I am sorry.' Then she gestured to another flet, close to the one where the fellowship was staying. 'This flet has been set aside for you. Go, rest now.'

'Oh good, can we go have baths now?' Erin said happily. 'I smell like a dead animal that drowned in it's own menstrual blood.'

'OK, Erin, time to stop talking now.'

oOo

We bathed, changed into silvery tunics and then went to join the rest of the Fellowship. The elves' singing echoed through the trees. 'A lament for Gandalf,' Legolas said softly.

'What do they say about him?' Merry asked.

'I have not the heart to tell you,' Legolas replied sadly. 'For me, the grief is still too near.'

'I bet they don't mention his fireworks,' Sam said. He stood up and recited, 'The finest rockets ever seen, they burst in stars of blue and green, and after thunder, silver showers,' Gimli snored loudly. Aragorn looked over and smacked him. 'Came falling like a … rain of flowers… oh, that doesn't do them justice.' He sat down again. Aragorn got up and went over to talk to Boromir.

'Remember when we learned the Lament for Gandalf last year?' Erin asked. I nodded. 'How did it go again?'

'Umm...' Erin paused for a moment, then started singing, '_A Olórin i yaresse, mentaner I Numeherui, Tirien I Romenori...'_

_'Melme nóren sina , núra ala,Eäro…' _I joined in.

'_Maiaron i Oiosaila, Manan elye etevanne Nórie i malanelye_? ... What comes next?'

'No idea.' Everyone sat in silence for a bit (except for Gimli, who was still snoring). Then Erin suddenly said, 'I wonder if what Galadriel showed us has already happened, or if it's going to happen in the future.'

'Galadriel showed you her mirror? That is a great honour.' Legolas said. 'What did you see?' When me and Erin both remained silent, he added hastily, 'Forgive me. If it was personal to you, then i should not have asked.'

'No, it's fine,' i said. ' We saw our own world, where we're missing. Our mum's worried sick.'

What of your father? You speak little of him.'

'That's cos our real dad died when we were babies,' Erin explained. 'Mum remarried when were little, but then she and our stepdad got divorced about six years ago. We haven't seen our stepfather since he left.'

'When mum threw him out, you mean.' i snorted.

'Why did she do that?'

'Because e mfff oo mff mmf uh.'

'They weren't getting along.' Erin said, after clamping a hand over my mouth. Legolas looked at us both for a few seconds.

'You're lying.'

'No I'm not.'

'Then you are not telling the whole truth.'

'Your face isn't telling the whole truth.'

'That doesn't make any sense.'

'Neither does your face.' Legolas raised an eyebrow. I poked Erin.

'Erin? Erin? ... She's fallen asleep.'

'No Draco, don't do it! The vampires are too many!'

* * *

_Mae govannen, Legolas Thranduilion._ = Welcome Legolas, son of Thranduil.  
_Govannas vîn gwennen le, Haldir o Lórien_. = Our fellowship stands in your debt, Haldir of Lórien.  
_A, Aragorn in Dúnedain istannen le amen_ = Oh, Aragorn of the Dúnedain, you are known to us.  
_Ishkhaqwi ai durugnul! =_ I spit on your grave!  
_A Olorin i yaresse_… - Olórin who once was…  
_Mentaner i Numeherui_ – Sent by the Lords of the West  
_Tírien i Rómenóri… _- To guard the Lands of the East…  
_Melme nóren sina_ – Our love for this land  
_núra ala_ – Is deeper than the depths  
_Eäro_… - Of the sea…  
_Maiaron i Oiosaila_, - Wisest of all Maiar,  
_Manan elye etevanne_ – What drove you to leave  
_Nórie i malanelye?_ – That which you loved?

**Review now, or I send Boromir to kill you in the night…  
Boromir: But I don't want to-  
Random olliphaunt: Shut it, Boromir, and put on this assassin costume already!  
Boromir: But-  
R.O: Go! Stand not upon the order of thy going, but go!**


	8. Song of our People

**Here it is! The long-awaited (possibly), marvelous (hopefully) Chapter 8!**

Chapter 8: Song of Our People

**Disclaimer: Zzzz…**

**Merry: Wake up! Miss authoress, wake up!**

**Random olliphaunt: Zzzz…**

**Merry: You have to write the disclaimer!**

**R.O: Go away. Sleeping now. You do it.**

**Merry: *sighs* **_**fine**_**. The authoress owns nothing except her OCs.**

***Cat's POV***

I opened my eyes slowly. The sun was shining; birds were twittering obnoxiously, Erin was annoying someone else … The day was looking up.

'Aagh!' I opened my eyes fully and saw what appeared to be a small ginger yeti. Then my brain kicked in and I realized it was just Gimli. 'You were talking in your sleep, lass.' He informed me.

'Really? I thought it was just Erin who did that…' I said, standing up.

'Did you sleep well?' Legolas asked.

'I dreamed I was riding a Thestral through a thunderstorm.' I replied in a gloomy, nasal voice. 'Every thunderclap resolved into their voices – "bother, bother…" suddenly, it became music. I was at the Yule ball with Lily Evans. I asked her to dance. She asked me to die. Would that I could, Lily, would that I could…'

'That's… nice…'

I glanced over to the edge of the clearing and saw Boromir and Erin chatting animatedly. Aragorn and the hobbits were nowhere in sight.

'Good, you're awake. We should go to the training ground.' Ok, scratch that. Aragorn appeared, holding a sword.

'Training? Like fighting?' Erin asked. Aragorn nodded.

'If our reception in Moria was anything to go by, there will be more battles to come. You should get more practice.'

oOo

The four hobbits were already at the training grounds, practicing fencing under the watchful eye of Jack Sparrow. Will and Elizabeth were sparring nearby. I headed for the archery targets, while Erin started trying to convince Aragorn to teach her the middle earth equivalent of karate.

My archery aim was getting much better – nine times out of ten I could actually hit the target instead of Legolas.

***Erin's POV***

We were taking a break when I spotted Haldir talking to Jack. They appeared to be arguing fiercely. Eventually Jack handed his hat over to Haldir and then stalked back over to where we were relaxing with the rest of the fellowship, Will and Elizabeth.

'What was that all about?' I asked. Jack pouted.

'I lost a bet,' he admitted. 'Apparently Rumil and Orophin _can't_ get drunk.' He looked rather upset, so I came up with a plan to cheer him up.

Fine, it was an excuse to annoy Haldir. So sue me.

'We will sing for you the song our people,' I announced to Haldir, who raised an eyebrow and said nothing. The rest of the fellowship either looked scared or tried to edge away.

I flicked through my iPod, then frowned as the low battery sign flashed up. 'Dang. We'll just have to sing it acapella.'

'What do you mean, 'we'?' Cat asked. 'I'm not helping you traumatize any more elves. It was bad enough when you taught Legolas the words to Sexy And I Know It.'

'Pretty pretty please?'

'Fine. But you have to start it off.'

'Never gonna give you up!' I sang, loudly and off-key. Legolas and Haldir winced and covered their ears.

'Never gonna let you down!'

'Never gonna run around and desert you!'

'Never gonna make you cry!'

'Never gonna say goodbye!'

'Never gonna tell a lie and hurt youuu!' Haldir made a hasty escape. Jack followed him, reappearing a few minutes later with his hat and grinning evilly.

**And now, a word from our sponsor.**

**Boromir: *shuffles script* '(standing up) One does not simply walk into Mordor-'**

**Random olliphaunt: No, not that script! The **_**other **_**one.**

**Boromir: Right, right. 'You carry a heavy burden, Frodo. Do not carry the weight-'**

**R.O: NO! **_**This **_**one! *throws script at Boromir***

**Boromir: 'Review now! The life of a Gondorian-' Wow, this is cheesy.**

**R.O: Read. The damn. Script.**

**Boromir: Fine, fine, but there's a couple of spelling errors in here…**

**R.O: AAAAGGGGGH! *tears script into tiny pieces and sprinkles them over Boromir* Review so I have an excuse to KILL HIM.**

**Boromir: Now, don't be hasty…**


	9. Leggy-Bear, Leggy-Bear, Where Art Thou?

Chapter 9: Leggy-bear, Leggy-bear, where art thou, Leggy-bear…

**Random Thing I Have Just Noticed: LONGBOTTOM Leaf… Neville LONGBOTTOM…**

**There will be a day when I run out of LOTR characters for the disclaimer, but it is not this day! Sam, you're up.**

**Sam: But, miss authoress, I'm pretty busy right now, what with Frodo getting all depressed and everything…**

**Random olliphaunt: Don't you take that tone with me! I brought you into this fanfic and so help me I'll take you out of it, too!**

**Sam: Um … okay … the authoress owns nothing except her OCs.**

**BooksMakeMagicForMe: GET BACK INTO THE FIC SAM! FLY YOU FOOL!**

***Erin's POV***

We stayed for about a month in Lothlorien, settling into a routine of training and hanging out with pirates. Cat and I were improving; the day finally came, shortly before we left, when she was consistently hitting bullseyes and I could take out Boromir, Aragorn and Will Turner in hand-to-hand combat (not all at the same time, though).

'All right, that's enough for today,' Aragorn said as Boromir picked himself up off the ground. 'We should be getting ready to leave early tomorrow.'

'You are leaving?' Elizabeth asked, collecting a pair of throwing knives that she had apparently appropriated.

'Yes. We depart tomorrow.'

'Well, good luck, mate,' Jack interjected, flopping down on the grass near the group.

'Hey, it's Bloom-Baby 2!' I cried as Will sat down.

'I wish you wouldn't call us that,' he said.

'Fine. You can be… Bootstrap Junior.' Will started to say something, but I cut him off. 'And you,' I said, turning to Legolas, 'can be Leggy-bear.' Gimli cracked up. Aragorn made an odd choking noise. Legolas groaned. 'Please, no.'

'OK, how about… Barbie?'

'Not nearly original enough, Erin. You can do better.' Cat said.

'Hmmm. Legless?'

'Elves can't get drunk, remember?'

'I bet they could…'

Cat shook her head. 'Oh no, you are _not_ going to try and get Legolas drunk.'

'Aw, why not? It'd be fun.'

'NO. Bad. Idea.'

'She's right,' Aragorn added, grinning. I sighed and returned to the matter at hand. 'OK, not Legless. How 'bout Leggy? No?' Legolas' eye was starting to twitch. 'Ooh, I know! His Blondliness!' I noticed Aragorn had dissolved into a silent fit of the giggles. Cat smacked me on the arm. 'Erin! Be nice to the poor elfy-welfy!'

'Fine. Leggy-bear it is.' Gimli roared with laughter. 'Leggy-bear' sighed, but was stopped from saying anything by the appearance of two female elves, both of which looked rather angry. One of them approached Jack.

'Carnadhiel!' He said happily. The elleth slapped him in the face and stalked off.

'I didn't deserve that,' he muttered. The other elleth walked over.

'Gwestiel!'

'Who was she?' The elleth asked sweetly before also slapping him in the face and walking off. 'I might have deserved that,' Jack admitted. Both Will and Legolas raised an eyebrow in an identical gesture. Scary.

***Cat's POV***

Of course, we didn't _actually _leave Lothlorien until early afternoon of the next day, in accordance with the Third Law of Travelling*, but eventually we were all assembled on the riverbank.

'Never before have we clad strangers in the garb of our own people. May these cloaks shield you from unfriendly eyes,' Celeborn droned as we had grey cloaks fastened round our necks. Then Galadriel stepped forward with gifts: bow for Legolas, star for Frodo, hair for Gimli, rope for Sam, yada yada yada, and then me and Erin.

'For you, Catriona, this bow, of Galadhrim make.' She handed me a bow made of dark wood, and a matching quiver. The arrows inside were fletched with swan feathers.

'Erin, these knives will never dull while you hold them.'

'Thank you!'

'And finally, in thanks for the kindness you showed me and my kin in your world, these necklaces.' She handed us both matching necklaces: a tiny silver heart on a slender chain. 'Yay, shiny magic necklaces!' Erin squealed. I rolled my eyes. Galadriel smiled.

'Magical? They're, like, legit magic necklaces?'

'They are more than they seem… as are you. You both have greater powers than you realize. _Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus_.' The last part was just a whisper as she turned and walked back into the forest. 'What the hell does that mean?' Erin asked.

'_Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus_ is the Hogwarts motto. It translates as 'never tickle a sleeping dragon'.' I replied. Erin stared at me for a minute.

'You are so nerdy.'

'Says the girl who taught herself Gnommish.'

'Sooo, now Galadriel's quoting Harry Potter and giving us magic necklaces? Are you _sure_ she passed the crazy test?'

'Erin you really need to stop insulting important people,' I sighed. 'Especially telepathic people who could probably kill you by the power of thought alone.'

oOo

We loaded the boats up with supplies, worked out who would be travelling in which boat (me and Erin were with Legolas and Gimli) and were about to leave when somebody noticed that Aragorn wasn't there.

'Seriously? _He_ was the one who kept going on about an early start.' Erin complained.

'He is speaking in private with Lord Celeborn,' Legolas answered, picking up one of the leaf-bladed oars that went with the boat.

Aragorn reappeared, looking more worried than usual, and everyone got into the boats. On the shore, Galadriel raised a single hand in farewell.

oOo

'Do you know when we stop?' Erin asked for the umpteenth time.

'No, lass, I don't,' Gimli replied, looking annoyed. I wiggled my foot, trying to ease the cramp in my leg. Legolas turned to scan the far shore, looking worried.

'What is it?' Gimli asked.

'A shadow is growing, drawing near.'

'Orcs?'

'Perhaps.'

'Don't worry, Gimli,' Erin said. 'I'm sure they're not after your _hair…_' She still hadn't stopped teasing him about Galadriel's gift. Gimli huffed, looking embarrassed.

***Erin's POV***

The days on the river passed I much the same way: Me annoying Gimli, Cat stopping Gimli from killing me, Legolas either doing his 'my spidey senses are tingling' routine or muttering under his breath in Elvish – probably asking the Valar why they had put him in the same boat as the rest of us.

Eventually, after about a week or so of failed attempts at conversation with the rest of the Fellowship, Gimli's insistence that he didn't fancy Galadriel and Legolas' attempts to politely tell us both to shut the hell up, the interesting stuff started happening.

'… my kin…' Aragorn's voice carried over the water as two massive statues appeared at either side of the gorge.

'Woah…' Cat breathed. Honestly, Peter Jackson didn't do justice to half the things in middle earth, and the Argonath were no exception.

'We should stop soon,' Boromir called. Aragorn nodded and began steering toward the shore.

'We cross the lake at nightfall. Hide the boats and continue on foot. We approach Mordor from the north,' Aragorn announced.

'Oh yes? It's just a simple matter of finding our way through Emyn Muil? An impassable labyrinth of razor sharp rocks! And after that, it gets even better!' Gimli retorted.

'I didn't know dwarves could use sarcasm,' Cat muttered. Pippin glanced at Gimli, looking worried, as the dwarf continued, 'Festering,_stinking_ marshlands as far as the eye can see!'

'That is our road,' Aragorn stated calmly. 'I suggest you take some rest and recover your strength, Master Dwarf.'

'Recover my….' Gimli trailed off, muttering angrily.

'We should leave now,' Legolas said urgently to Aragorn.

'No. Orcs patrol the eastern shore. We must wait for cover of darkness.' Legolas looked unconvinced, and the two continued conversing in low voices.

'No dwarf needs to recover strength! Pay no heed to that, young hobbit,' Gimli told Pippin. I rolled my eyes.

'Dude, seriously, _let it go.'_

'Where's Frodo?' Merry asked, returning laden with firewood. Sam, who had been half-dozing, sat up with a start and looked around. Aragorn also glanced over, staring at Boromir's shield. But Boromir himself was gone.

* * *

***The Third Law of Travelling: Estimated time of departure + number of bags taken x number of people travelling = actual time of departure… or something… yeah…**

**Review! This cute little puppy dog wants you to- ow! Ow! It bit me! No! BAD dog! Anyway, - ow! Stop it! Bad doggy! - Review or I'll- aaauuuggghhh-**

**Boromir: What?**

**Sam: That's what it says. 'Review or I'll- aaauuuggghhh-'**

**Boromir: What is that?**

**Sam: She must have died while typing it.**

**Boromir: Oh, come on!**

**Sam: Well, that's what it says.**

**Boromir: Look, if she was dying, she wouldn't have bothered to type 'aaauuuggghhh'. She'd just say it.**

**Sam: Maybe she was dictating it….**

**Faramir: Father, I'm running as fast as I- oh no! It's too late! They've already gone off on a Monty Python tangent!**

**Boromir: What are you talking about?**

**Faramir: Father sent me here to remind you to tell the readers that if they do not review, you shall be killed, brother dear.**

**Boromir: Oh yes, that. I'm ****_sure_**** that the readers wouldn't be so heartless as to simply let me die… *smiles winningly***


	10. Mwahahahaha!

Chapter 10: Mwahahahaha

**Random olliphaunt: Say the disclaimer, Boromir!**

**Boromir: *sighs* the authoress owns nothing except her OCs.**

**R.O: Very good. Now dance, puppet, DANCE!**

**Boromir: *backs away slowly***

**I still find it entertaining that at Boromir's death scene, when Legolas appears he has this sort of 'oh look, this is interesting' expression.**

***Cat's POV***

'No dwarf needs to recover strength! Pay no heed to that, young hobbit,' Gimli told Pippin.

'Dude, seriously, _let it go._' Erin said, rolling her eyes. Merry retuned, carrying a pile of firewood. 'Where's Frodo?' He asked. Aragorn and Sam looked round the clearing in alarm. Erin glanced at Boromir's shield and jumped to her feet.

'No! Erin! You idiot…' I trailed off as she took off running into the trees.

'What's she doing?' Merry asked, looking alarmed.

'Something stupid,' I sighed, and ran after her.

***Erin's POV***

I crashed through the trees, barely noticing the branches that scratched my arms. I could the sound of the Uruk-Hai running as well, and then the horn of Gondor rang out.

I burst into the clearing to see Boromir fighting off about ten Uruk-Hai. Off to one side, Lurtz was standing, stringing a bow.

I threw one of my daggers across the glade and amazingly, it hit Lurtz in the arm. The Uruk stumbled slightly and Boromir turned in time to see him take aim with his bow once more. Only this time, he was aiming at me. Shit.

'Milady, run!'

'Seriously? We're in the middle of a bloody ambush and you _still_ call me milady?'

'Yes!' I rolled my eyes and sprinted into the cover of the trees, realized that I'd just abandoned Boromir to certain death, and ran back.

I vaguely noticed that Cat, Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli had appeared at the edge of the clearing and were battling more of the seemingly endless orcs.

Another wave of Uruks-Hai swept down from the other side. Unbidden, Galadriel's parting words flashed through my mind.

_Flashback time – Cue Doctor Who theme_

'_You both have greater powers than you realize. _Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus_.' Galadriel turned to walk back into the forest, but I could still hear her voice echoing in my mind._

'_You can save him – but it will not be without a price. Choose carefully, Erin.'_

_End flashback time – Stop playing Doctor Who theme_

I had never worked out what that had meant. Obviously the 'saving him' part referred to Boromir, but what was the price?

I turned around. 'Ah, _shit!_' Then an Uruk hit me over the head, and everything went black.

***Cat's POV***

'This way!' I gestured to Legolas, Aragorn and Gimli. We ran on through the trees until the clearing appeared.

Boromir was epically battling Uruk-Hai, and Erin was…

'Where the fuck is my sister?' I screamed. Boromir glanced over and shook his head slightly.

The next few minutes were a sort of blur of Boromir killing orcs epically, Aragorn killing orcs epically, Legolas killing orcs epically, Gimli killing orcs epically and me completely failing to kill anything. Eventually, though, we all met in the middle of the clearing.

'They took the little ones. And Erin,' Boromir said sadly.

'_WHAT!?'_ I screeched.

'I am sorry, mi-'

'Call me 'milady' and I will personally castrate you.' Everyone backed away from me slightly.

'Frodo. Where is Frodo?' Boromir asked urgently.

'I let him go,' Aragorn replied.

'Then you did what I could not.'

oOo

We regrouped near the river. Legolas started pulling a canoe down to the bank. I picked up the horn of Gondor, smashed it on a rock and threw it into the river.

'What are you doing?' Boromir yelled.

'Saving the plotline,' I said mysteriously.

'That was the Horn of Gondor! YOU BROKE MY HORN!'

'Here, have a vuvuzela instead.' I picked up Erin's vuvuzela from where it was lying near her pack and handed it to him.

'Hurry! Frodo and Sam have reached the Eastern shore!' Legolas shouted. No-one moved.

'You mean not to follow them,' he realized.

'Frodo's fate is no longer in our hands.' Aragorn said.

'The Fellowship is broken,' Boromir intoned solemnly.

'Thanks for that, J.R.R. Tolkien,' I added.

'It has all been in vain… we have failed.' Gimli said sadly.

'Not if we hold true to each other. We will not abandon Merry, Pippin and Erin to torment and death, not while we have strength left.'

'Hell no,' I agreed.

'Leave all that can be spared behind. We travel light. Let's hunt some orc!'

'Yes! Haha!' Gimli shouted. Aragorn sprinted back into the wood, followed by Legolas, Boromir, Gimli and I.

'Wait, we're actually going to run the whole way, are we?' I called out as we ran. '

**Ooh, I am evil, aren't I? Sorry this was so short. **


	11. Dahhh Dahhh Dah-Dah-DAH

Chapter 11: Dahhh Dahhh dah-dah-DAH

**Hi! Remember me? *ducks behind shield to avoid pitchforks***

**Disclaimer: Cat, do the disclaimer.  
Cat: Boromir, do the disclaimer.  
Boromir: Aragorn, do the disclaimer.  
Aragorn: Legolas, do the disclaimer.  
Legolas: Gimli, do the disclaimer.  
Gimli: *looks around* Dammit! The authoress owns nothing except her OCs.**

***Cat's POV***

So. Much. RUNNING.

I. Hate. RUNNING.

This was what I was thinking as we – you guessed it –ran after Erin, Pippin and Merry. You'd have thought that all the previous weeks of walking and training would have got me into shape, but not really. Still, I was doing better than Gimli. Boromir was slightly ahead of me, and Aragorn and Legolas were further ahead.

'Dahhh Dahhh dah-dah-DAH,' I sang as we crested a hill. 'Dah-dah-dah-DAH, dah-dah-DAH, dah-dah-DAHHH,' Boromir looked at me weirdly.

'We should rest for a few hours and recover our strength,' Aragorn announced. He wasn't even out of breath.

'Let's keep going, at least till nightfall?' I asked.

'Cat, you should rest,' Legolas said.

'Not until we find Erin.'

'Aragorn, the creatures are already far ahead of us. We have not a moment to lose,' Boromir put in. Aragorn hesitated, glancing between me and Boromir.

'If you are certain you can keep running…'

'Sure!' I forced a smile onto my face, mentally thanking my legs for not choosing that moment to collapse.

***Erin's POV***

When I woke up, I was being carried on the back of an orc. I guessed we were right at the back of the group. I also noticed that the orcs hadn't thought to take my weapons away. Excellent.

I eased one of my knives out of its sheath, making as little noise as possible, then brought my arm up and stabbed the orc in the neck.

When I woke up, I was being carried on the back of an orc. This time, my hands were tied and I as somewhere in the middle of the group.

Damn.

The group stopped eventually, on the edge of a dark forest. _Fangorn. Good. We'll be out of here soon. _

The orc who had been carrying me dumped me on the ground.

'We ain't goin' no further until we've had a breather!'

'Watch that grammar there, buddy.' The orc gave me the evil eye.

'Get a fire going!' Another orc yelled. A few feet away, I saw Pippin wriggle over closer to Merry; the two hobbits had also been unceremoniously dumped on the ground. I tried to move over to them, but there was a group of orcs blocking my path.

Deep groaning sounds came from the forest as yet more orcs (seriously, where had they all come from? Oh right, Isengard) began chopping down trees for firewood.

'I'm starving. We ain't had nothing but maggoty bread for three stinking days!' An orc yelled.

'Yeah, why can't we have some meat?' Another asked. He looked at Pippin and Merry.

'What about them? They're fresh.'

'They are not for eating!' Growled a huge orc – I think it was the leader.

'Well, what about _her_?'

'Saruman wants them _all_ alive,' The leader replied.

'Alive, yes. Did he say _unspoiled?_' I was certain the orc licked his lips. _Great,_ I thought. _Just frickin' great._

'Alive _and_ unspoiled!' Growled my new best friend, and sliced off the offending orc's head.

'Looks likes meat's back on the menu, boys!' I took advantage of the orcs' distraction to crawl over towards Pippin and Merry, at the same time as another orc. He pulled out a knife and waved it in front of Pippin's face.

'Go on, call for help. Squeal. No-one's gonna save you now!' A spear pierced the orc's back, and he fell backwards.

'Huzzah for the Rohirrim!' I muttered. The spear-guy must have heard me, because he got off his horse, and after a few moments of scanning the dark ground, walked over and cut the ropes around my wrists.

'Thanks, matey.' _Oh no, Jack Sparrow is starting to rub off on me. _'Don't suppose I could hitch a lift…? Oh, you've gone…' The riders had ridden off, leaving nothing but a burning pile of corpses.

'Well, thanks for the rescue!' I yelled to their retreating backs. 'Very nice! I feel _much_ safer now!' I looked around for Pippin and Merry, but they were gone. I knew I'd never be able to follow them in the dark, so I figured my best bet was to wait by the smouldering pile and wait for the Three Hunters. Or Five Hunters, now.

'Oh, that is bogging!' I mentally added the stench from the pile to my list of complaints: tired, hungry, bruised, rope burn on my wrists…_Come on, Cat, where are you?_

***Cat's POV***

Up ahead, Aragorn had stopped running and was lying down with one ear pressed to the ground. I caught up with him and Legolas just in time for them to start running again. Suddenly Aragorn stopped, _again_, to pick up a leaf-shaped brooch.

'Not idly to the leaves of Lorien fall,' he murmured.

'They may yet be alive.' Legolas said.

'Less than a day ahead of us. Come!' Aragorn ran off again. I groaned and started after him. From behind, I could hear Gimli muttering about dwarves being natural sprinters.

Aragorn stopped, yet again, possibly to wait for everyone to catch up with him.

'Seriously – can we – just rest – for – like – an hour?' I panted.

'Rohan, home of the horse lords. There is something strange at work here. Some evil gives speed to these creatures, sets its will against us.'

'Aragorn, that was a yes/no question.' Once again, I was completely ignored.

'Legolas, what do your elf eyes see?'

'The Uruks turn northeast,' the elf replied. '…They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!'

'Gard G-g-g-gard!' I yelled.

'Saruman,' Boromir said grimly.

**oOo**

A few hours later, we heard the sound of hoof beats and quickly ran to the shelter of a nearby boulder. Moments later, the Rohirrim galloped past, waving large banners and blowing war horns. Aragorn stepped out of hiding.

'Rider of Rohan, what news from the Mark?' The group turned and rode back until they surrounded us. A lone rider trotted forward. Eomer.

'What business does an elf, two men, a dwarf and a girl have in the Riddermark? Speak quickly!' He snapped.

'Give me your name, horsemaster, and I shall give you mine,' Gimli said placidly. Eomer dismounted from his horse and strode up to him. 'I would cut off your head for that, _Dwarf,_ if it stood a little higher from the ground.' He hissed.

Legolas fit an arrow to his bow with incredible speed. 'You would die before your stroke fell!' Instantly, about twenty lances were pointed at him. Aragorn pulled a why-am-I-surrounded-by-idiots face.

'I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn. This is Gimli son of Gloin, Legolas of the Woodland Realm, Boromir of Gondor and Cat, of … where did you say you were from?'

'I didn't.'

'We are friends of Rohan and of Théoden, your king.' Aragorn continued.

'Théoden no longer recognizes friend from foe. Not even his own kin.' Eomer removed his helmet, and the Rohirrim withdrew their spears.

'Saruman had poisoned the mind of the king and claimed lordship over these lands. My company are those loyal to Rohan – and for that, we are banished. The White Wizard is cunning. He walks here and there, they say, as an old man, hooded and cloaked. And everywhere his spies slip past our nets.' Eomer cast a pointed look at Legolas, who glared back.

'We are no spies. We track a party of Uruk-Hai westward across the plain. They're taken three of our friends captive.' Aragorn said.

'The Uruks are destroyed. We slaughtered them during the night.'

'But there were two hobbits. Did you see two hobbits with them?' Gimli burst out.

'They would be small – only children to your eyes,' Aragorn elaborated.

'And a girl. Looks a bit like me.' I chimed in. Eomer shifted uncomfortably.

'We left none alive. We piled the carcasses and burned them.' He pointed to a smoking pile in the distance.

'Dead?' Gimli gasped. Eomer nodded.

'I am sorry.'

'Wait, my lord!' Another rider came forward. 'Forgive me for not speaking sooner. There was a girl; her hands had been bound. I freed her, but I did not see which way she went.'

'And you didn't think to take her with you? Or at least to keep track of her?' The rider quailed under my glare.

'The fighting was fierce…. There were more Uruks than we had thought. I am sorry, my lady.' If looks could kill, the guy would have been six feet under by now.

Eomer, who had been watching the conversation silently, turned and whistled.

'Hasufel! Arod! Brinley! Fleta!' Four horses trotted forward. 'May these horses bear you better fortune than their former masters. Farewell.'

Eomer turned and got back onto his horse. 'Look for your friends, but do not trust to hope. It had forsaken these lands. We ride north!' he called to the Rohirrim, who rode off.

Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas and Gimli all got onto their horses – well, actually Legolas had to pull Gimli up – and waited patiently while I attempted to climb onto Fleta.

'You are facing the wrong way,' Boromir said after a few minutes.

'No, I'm not. The horse is.' After about fifteen minutes, I was sitting on the horse, facing the right way, and we set off towards the pile of burning orcs.

**oOo**

The smell from the burning pile got worse and worse as we travelled nearer to it. We stopped and dismounted a few meters away from the pyre, and a familiar figure walked out from behind it.

'Erin!'

'Took you long enough,' she said, grinning. I smiled and handed her pack over to her.

'What do you keep in here, rocks?'

'Of course not. That would be silly. I keep bricks in there.' She nodded at the horses. 'Did the Amazing Human Aardvark and his Bronies lend you some of their horses?'

'Indeed they did.'

'Erin, where are Pippin and Merry?' Aragorn asked.

'I don't know. I lost track of them after the Rohirrim came.' I raised an eyebrow.

Gimli, who had been searching through the pile, held up a charred object. 'It's one of their wee belts.' Legolas murmured something in Elvish, while Aragorn kicked at an orc helmet and yelled like he'd just broken two toes.

Then he looked around, his gaze resting on a patch of disturbed grass. 'A hobbit lay here… and the other.' He started walking forward. 'They crawled. Their hands were bound…' he held up a piece of frayed rope. 'Their bonds were cut.' Aragorn grew more and more excited. 'They ran over here… They were followed.' He was practically running now. 'The tracks lead away from the battle…' He stopped short at the edge of the forest. '…into Fangorn Forest.'

'Fangorn. What madness drove them there?' Gimli asked.

'Um, maybe the big scary orcs?' Erin suggested.

* * *

**A/N: Brinley and Fleta are both Old English names (That's the language Rohirric was based on, am I right?). Brinley means tawny and Fleta means swift. Look who did her research!  
Random thing of no relevance to this story: If Thorin got lost twice on the way the Shire, how on earth did he manage to lead the dwarves all the way to Erebor?**


	12. We're Off to See the Wizard!

Chapter 12: We're off to see the wizard

**Disclaimer: Pippin, it's your turn.**

**Pippin: Awww...**

**Random olliphaunt: if you don't, I'll leave a small pile of fish outside your hut every day for a month.**

**Pippin: but I don't have a hut.**

**R.O: I'll build you a hut, then I'll leave a small pile of fish outside it every day for a month.**

**Pippin: no! The authoress owns nothing except her OCs! Phew, I'm safe now...**

***Erin's POV***

We entered Fangorn on foot, as the horses had bolted when we got too close. I couldn't really blame them; the forest was full of hidden roots and nettles, not to mention the eerie sensation that something was watching you.

'Hey, look, a spider!' I said, pointing at the tiny spider crawling up a tree. I jerked my hand out of the way as an arrow whizzed past, killing the arachnid. 'The hell, Legolas?'

The elf looked sheepish. 'I don't like spiders,' he explained.

'Really? I couldn't tell.'

'We cannot tarry here!' Aragorn called from further ahead.

_-More walking-_

Gimli wiped a dark liquid off a leaf with his finger and tasted it.

'Orc blood!' he spat.

'How does he know what orc blood tastes like?' Cat started to say. 'Actually, wait, I don't wanna know.'

'Me neither,' I agreed, trying to dispel the vivid and disturbing mental image of Gimli the Vampire, flying over Isengard in the dead of night.

'These are strange tracks,' Aragorn commented.

'That'll be Treebeard,' I murmured.

'Treebeard?' Legolas queried. Damn Elvish hearing.

'Treebeard? I didn't say Treebeard, I said… um… leech… weird?' I rambled. 'Yeah, leech weird. Don't you think leeches are weird? Little slimy bloodsucking creatures, don't get much weirder than that.' Everyone stared at me for a moment.

'The air is so close in here,' Gimli said finally.

'This forest is old,' Legolas responded. 'Very old. Full of memory… and anger!' Ominous rustling sounds came from the treetops. 'The trees are speaking to each other!'

'Gimli!' Aragorn hissed.

'What?'

'Lower your axe!'

'Oh!' Gimli hastily lowered his axe.

'They have feelings, my friend,' Legolas said, smiling slightly. 'The elves began it: waking up the trees, teaching them to talk.'

'Talking trees? What do trees have to talk about? Except the consistency of squirrel droppings.' Gimli muttered to himself as we moved on again.

_-Yet more walking-_

Legolas stopped suddenly. He and Aragorn had a whispered conversation in Elvish, followed by:

'The White Wizard approaches.'

'Do not let him speak,' Aragorn warned. 'He will put a spell on us.' He half-drew his sword from his scabbard, as did Boromir. Gimli hefted his axe, and Legolas fingered his already drawn bow. Cat moved to pull an arrow from her quiver, but Aragorn shook his head slightly, saying, 'Stay back, both of you.'

'Oh, you and your bloody chivalry,' Cat huffed, rolling her eyes.

A nimbus of white light appeared, drawing steadily closer. Legolas fired an arrow at it, and Gimli threw his axe, but both were deflected.

Aragorn and Boromir dropped their swords with muffled curses as the blades glowed red-hot.

'You are tracking the footsteps of two young hobbits.' The voice had a slight echo to it.

'Where are they?' Boromir asked.

'They passed this way the day before yesterday. They met someone they did not expect. Does that comfort you?'

'Who are you? Show yourself!' Aragorn demanded. The white light faded, revealing Gandalf clothed in white. 'It cannot be.'

'Gandalf?' Boromir breathed. Legolas and Gimli dropped to their knees.

'Forgive me; I mistook you for Saruman.' Legolas apologized.

'I _am_ Saruman. Or rather, Saruman as he should have been,' Gandalf explained. He then spent about half an hour explaining how he fought the Balrog, nearly died, got shiny new clothes, yada yada yada.

'Gandalf!' Aragorn said, awed.

'Gandalf?' the wizard mused. 'Yes. That is what they used to call me. Gandalf the Grey. That was my name.'

'Gandalf!' Gimli said.

'_I_ am Gandalf the White.' He said proudly. 'And I come back to you now, at the turn of the tide.'

***Cat's POV***

We walked on through the forest for about another hour, until the trees began to thin.

'One stage of your journey is over, another begins.' Gandalf announced. 'We must ride to Edoras with all speed.'

'Our horses fled,' Boromir pointed out.

'Thus spake Captain Obvious of Gondor,' Erin whispered. Gandalf appeared to be having similar thoughts, but just raised an eyebrow.

'They will return.' He whistled piercingly, like a bird, and a few moments later Shadowfax appeared, followed by the other four horses.

'That is one of the Mearas, unless my eyes are cheated by some spell.' Legolas said wonderingly.

'Shadowfax. He is the lord of all horses, and has been my friend through many dangers.' Gandalf stroked Shadowfax's head. Erin and I walked over to Fleta.

**oOo**

We stopped as Edoras appeared in the distance.

'Edoras and the golden hall of Meduseld. ' Gandalf announced. 'There dwells Théoden, King of Rohan… Be careful what you say. Do not look for welcome here.'

As we rode up to the city gates, a flag fell out of the sky and landed on Boromir's head.

Edoras was silent and felt deserted, despite the people that stared suspiciously from the streets.

'You'd find more cheer in a graveyard,' Gimli muttered. We dismounted and climbed the steps up to the Golden Hall. A small group of guards came out to meet us.

'I cannot allow you before Théoden King so armed, Gandalf Greyhame. By order of Grima Wormtongue.' Gandalf nodded, and everyone surrendered their weapons – except for Gandalf.

'Your staff.' Gandalf glanced at his staff.

'You would not part an old man from his walking stick?' The guard rolled his eyes, but led us into the hall, Gandalf leaning on Legolas's arm.


	13. Rohan, Home of the Bronies

Chapter 13: Rohan, home of the Bronies

**Disclaimer: Umm… Faramir! Faramir can do this chapter's disclaimer!  
Faramir: NEVER! YE CAN TAK OOR LIVES BUT YE CANNAE TAK OOR FREEDOM! *runs out waving claymore*  
Everyone: …  
random oliphaunt: …oookay. How about Haldir?  
Haldir: Who am I? Where is this place? I can't remember anything!  
R.O: Uh…Arwen?  
Arwen: *singing* with a snail, if you slow to a crawl, but the hedgehog…  
R.O: *headdesk* Sir Flipticus! Sir Flipticus will do the disclaimer, won't you?  
Sir Flipticus: Non! Je ne vais pas!  
R.O: Gimli?  
Gimli: I've already done a disclaimer!  
R.O: okay, okay, nobody panic…. Right! Profile ninja 3! You can do the disclaimer!  
Profile ninja 3: Finally, my time in the spotlight! The authoress owns nothing except her OCs!  
BooksMakeMagicForMe: This is the last original chapter by the Random Olliphaunt! OooOOoooh!**

***Erin's POV***

The doors swung slowly shut, and we were standing in front of a large throne, which was occupied by an ancient-looking man. Near his feet sat a pale, dark-haired man, wearing black robes. Severus Snape.

Just kidding, it was Grima Wormtongue. He leaned over and whispered something to Théoden.

'The courtesy of your hall is somewhat lessened of late, Théoden King.' Gandalf said.

'Why should I welcome you, Gandalf Greyhame?' He asked in a creaking voice.

'A just question, my liege.' Wormtongue approached Gandalf. 'Late is the hour in which this conjurer chooses to appear. Lathspell I name him – ill news is an ill guest.'

'Be silent! Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth. I have not passed through fire and death to bandy crooked words with a witless worm.'

Gandalf snapped, raising his staff threateningly. Wormtongue's eyes widened.

'His staff! I told you to take the wizard's staff!'

Guards converged on our group, and suddenly we were in the midst of a fistfight. The guards for the most part left Cat and me alone, obviously not seeing us as a threat, and I was happy with that.

Still, I managed to punch one guy in the face with a satisfying _crunch_ as his nose broke, and a few feet away I saw Cat taking on one of the men sneaking up on Legolas. The fight ended as Gandalf began to draw Saruman from Théoden.

'I will draw you, Saruman, as poison is drawn from a wound.' (See?)

'If I go… Théoden dies.' The voice coming from Théoden's mouth was that of Saruman. Gandalf jerked his staff and Théoden twitched. 'You did not kill me, you will not kill him!'

'Rohan is mine!'

'Be gone!' Gandalf said in a commanding voice. Théoden jerked in his throne and cried out, then slumped forward. Eowyn, who had been at the sidelines until now, ran forward to catch him.

'I know your face. Eowyn… Eowyn.' Théoden said, smiling. His appearance had completely changed; he now looked several decades younger.

He looked up, noticing the remnants of the Fellowship seemingly for the first time.

'Gandalf?

'Breathe the free air again, my friend.' Gandalf said, smiling, then added, 'Your fingers would remember their old strength better if they grasped your sword.' Hama almost ran forward to give the king his sword – it was called Herugrim or something like that.

Théoden slowly drew his sword, and then turned to Wormtongue, eyes darkening. Two of the guards picked up Wormtongue and threw him bodily from the hall. We all followed in a more normal fashion.

'I've only ever served you, my lord,' Wormtongue sniveled, trying to crawl down the steps backwards as he spoke.

'Your leechcraft would have had me crawling on all fours like a beast!' Théoden roared, advancing on Wormtongue.

'Send me not from your sight!'

Théoden raised his sword, but Aragorn started forward.

'No, my lord! Let him go. Enough blood has been spilled on his account.'

Théoden looked at Aragorn for a long moment, then slowly lowered his sword. Aragorn offered a hand to help Wormtongue up, but Wormtongue spat at his feet and ran off, pushing his way through the silent crowd that had gathered.

One of the guards stepped forward and called out, 'Hail Théoden King!' The crowd kneeled down. Théoden looked around one last time before asking in a low voice, 'Where is Théodred? Where is my son?'

***Cat's POV***

Théodred's funeral was the next day. Me and Erin managed to borrow dresses from Éowyn, whom we'd been properly introduced to after Théoden's transformation.

We joined the procession of mourners going down to the flower-covered mounds just outside Edoras, walking slowly behind the soldiers carrying Théodred on a stretcher. They reached the entrance to his tomb and slowly lowered the stretcher into it. Théoden stood behind them, his face completely blank. Éowyn began to sing in Rohirric, her voice shaking.

**oOo**

For over a week we stayed in Meduseld, until one day Aragorn in the stables where Legolas was attempting to teach me to ride.

'Gandalf wants everyone to meet in the main hall. King Théoden has important matters he wishes to discuss.' Aragorn did not look particularly happy about said news.

'Ok – aarghh…' I fell off Fleta, yet again.

'Are you alright?' Aragorn asked, as Legolas helped me up. I shrugged.

'Yeah. It stops hurting after the first ten times.'

***Erin's POV***

We gathered in the main hall of Meduseld. The two children who had arrived soon after Théodred's funeral were seated at a table, wolfing down bowls of stew. Eowyn sat near them. The remnants of the Fellowship were scattered across the room. Théoden sat on his throne, listening to Eowyn's account of Saruman's treachery.

'…Now the Wild Men move through the Westfold, burning as they go – rick, cot and tree.'

'Where's mama?' The girls squeaked, looking up at Eowyn.

'Shh.'

This is but a taste of the terror Saruman will unleash,' Gandalf spoke up from his place near Théoden's throne. 'All the more potent, for he is now driven by fear of Sauron. Ride out and meet him head on. Draw him away from your women and children. You must fight!'

'You have two thousand good men riding north as we speak. Eomer is loyal to you. His men will return and fight for their king.' Aragorn added.

'They would be three hundred leagues from here by now!' Théoden cried, rising from the throne and stepping forward. 'Eomer cannot help us.'

Gandalf opened his mouth, but Théoden cut him off. 'I know what it is you want of me, but I will not risk further death to my people. I will not risk open war.'

'Open war is upon you, whether you would risk it or not.' Aragorn retorted. Théoden glared at the Ranger.

'When last I looked, Théoden, not Aragorn was King of Rohan.'

'Then what is the king's decision?' Gandalf prompted. Théoden was silent for a while. Cat and I exchanged glances.

'Prepare to leave,' the king said eventually. 'The entire city is to be emptied. In two days, we leave for Helm's Deep.'

**OK, that was pretty plot-heavy, but thing will get more interesting in the next couple of chapters, honest!  
This is where I, BooksMakeMagicForMe, take over! **


	14. The Battle has Begun

**I own nothing. I don't even own the OC's, the Random Olliphaunt owns them! **

**Cat's POV**

Gandalf left to find Eomer and the Rohirrim, promising to return within five days. With that, the preparations for Helm's Deep began. We left Rohan as quickly as possible, and began the long journey.

It was cold, wet and there was a heavy atmosphere in the air. Without Merry and Pippin to fool around with, Erin and I were incredibly bored. Usually she would talk to Boromir but he seemed quiet and didn't want to deal with Erin's hyperactivity.

Gimli seemed to be boring Eowyn to death with talk of she-dwarves so Erin and I decided... time to lighten the mood. We had been walking a little behind Aragorn but snuck around to his left. We were soon in position. 'Three... two... one!' I yelled and on cue Erin and I began to sing the song of our people.

Eowyn and Aragorn groaned and covered their ears while Gimli was bucked off his horse and landed with an 'Oof' in a puddle of mud. Slowly, he pulled himself out of the mud and turned to face Erin and I. He had bloodlust in his eyes.

Erin seemed paralysed with fear, but I value my life way too much... I ran and cowered behind Eowyn for the remainder of the journey.

**oOo**

We reached Helm's Deep and were told to stay in the fortress while the men armed themselves and readied themselves for the oncoming battle. Every man and child old enough to hold a sword was forced outside and given weapons and armor.

Erin spotted two boys of around ten years of age holding armor and swords much to big for them. Perhaps a perfect fit for Erin and I though. A woman was helping them to put on the armor, but she was called by someone and turned her back on the kids.

**Erin's POV**

The two boys looked terrified. One of them was looking at a piece of armor as if he didn't know what to do with it. I glanced at Cat. She was looking at the boys too, but looked sideways and met my eyes. We headed over to the boys and after a few quiet words... we stole their armor. Not the swords though, we already had our own weapons.

Now to put it on. I ended up helping Cat and she somehow managed to do the same for me. The armor was a tiny bit too big, but it would do. I felt like I was going to puke. This wasn't a game, where if something happened I could respawn. I wanted to pull off the armor, drop my twin knives and curl up in the fetal position, but I had a feeling that if I tried Cat would have shot me with an arrow.

She had a look of determination fixed on her face and I felt like no matter what, she was going to defend Helm's Deep. So I unsheathed both of my knives, nodded at Cat and headed for the door.

A bow and quiver of arrows was pushed towards me and I accepted them, resheathing my blades. They could wait. Cat and I took our places along the wall. I could see Legolas talking to Gimli, who was attempting to see over the wall.

It was dark and cold. Men were breathing heavily, their bodies tensed in fear of what was to come... and then Haldir and his merry Elves arrived.

**Cat's POV**

I freaked out. This was a mixture of movie-verse and book-verse as far as I could tell and if it was decided that the movie was the way to go, Haldir would be dead before the night was out. A few words were exchanged between Haldir, Theoden and Aragorn before the newly-arrived Elves began to take their places as archers on the battlements.

We were pushed back and Elves took our places. We formed a new line behind them. Erin kept looking at me, willing me not to do anything idiotic. Well, sister, idiotic is most definitely my middle name.

Haldir was right in front of me. It was easy to kick him hard in the back of the leg. He must have felt something because he turned, a look of irritation on his face. 'You need to be careful.' I hissed and pulled my helmet up so that even in the dark, he could make out my features.

For a second he stared and me and then seemed to realize that it was me, annoying crybaby Cat. 'Song of our People' girl. Creator of the name 'Leggy-bear'.

'Look. I know- don't ask how- that before the night is out you will die. So, watch yourself. But then again, don't worry too much. I'll protect you!' I put a finger to my lips telling him to be quiet, a silly smile on my lips.

He took the hint and turned around, just as lightning illuminated Saruman's advancing army. 'Perfectly on-cue as always.' Erin whispered and I grinned.

Someone called for the archers to ready themselves. Erin and I loaded our bows. 'Ready...' The man said, and an old man accidentally let loose an arrow.

The battle of Helm's Deep had begun.

* * *

**So, what did you guys think? It was pretty heavy but it's a chapter about the battle so... Yeah. Not much I can do about that! Anyway, reviews are welcome! Don't feel pressured though! *Glances at entire Fellowship tied up in chairs*.  
Aragorn: Review. She's indestructible. She'll never release us if you don't review...**


	15. Torpedoes on Speed

**Erin's POV**

The next few seconds passed in a blur. We all shot our arrows and felled what looked like hundreds of orcs, but it was still only a small proportion of the entire opposing army. Next to me, Cat was freaking out.

'Oh my God, why are we here? Why are we _doing_ this? We're _crazy_ Erin, let's go!_ AAH!_'

Yeah, she wasn't handling the life-or-death situation very well. And I thought she was determined...

We continued firing arrows for a while, until the orcs began to mount ladders against the walls. Time to use my knives.

I tossed my bow behind me, not caring where it landed. It wasn't my strong suit anyway. My blades shone on the dim moonlight.

A few orcs managed to reach the battlements where Cat and I stood. Oh crap. Stuff just got real.

Well, I stood. Cat was running around like a headless chicken shrieking 'We're going to die! We're gonna be brutally murdered and no-one will even be able to _recognize_ the bodies! _MEEP!_'

Suddenly Cat shut up. She was staring at an ugly orc who had reached her._ My time to shine!_

**Cat's POV**

A huge, fat, ugly orc was coming towards me and there wasn't a bloody thing I could do about it. Idiot that I was, I hadn't brought a short-range weapon.

Goodbye, Life. It was nice knowing you.

Just then I heard the greatest battle cry that has ever graced my awesome eardrums.

Erin jumped in front of me, stabbing wildly with her knives, shrieking 'Hogwarts, bitches! _FOR HOGWARTS!_'

I love my sister.

I felt myself stop panicking. It was like I suddenly wanted to kill every bloody orc that threatened my friends and Erin.

'Erin! Gimme a knife!' I called, and Erin obliged. _Awesome._

After that, I went pretty crazy. At one point, Gimli was about to be attacked from behind- Orcs are cowards- and I remember jumping in, shrieking 'NABBED!' and running away again. Mostly, I hung around near to Haldir though, just in case...

**Erin's POV**

Cat needed to shut up. Someone was going to realize that we were both girls and attempt to take us away from the battle and I couldn't let that happen. If it did, Cat couldn't watch out for Haldir and I couldn't keep an eye on Boromir to make sure that fate didn't try to fix what I had changed.

I had always wondered about that when I read people's stories about saving Boromir. Wouldn't everything correct itself in the end? Then though, that stuff had been fiction anyway. Awesome fiction, sure, but still about as real as Santa. Now though... It was all fact, and I had changed a key part of the plot.

I wasn't about to let it attempt to fix itself.

I could see him fighting off a group of orcs to my right, and I knew what I had to do.

I charged.

I had _zero_ skill with my blade. Sure, I'd _tried_ to learn. I'd been okay in training... but in the middle of a battle I forgot everything. I hacked and slashed my way through five orcs like a crazy person, leaving perhaps seven to Boromir. He could handle them himself. Without so much as a word, I ran back to Cat's side to defend the defenses of Helm's Deep.

Some time later, I heard people calling that the sewer defenses had been breached and Uruk-hai were getting in. Cat and I looked at each other. We knew what this meant. Soon, the main gate would be breached and the stronghold overrun.

We were right. _Dammit._

Cat was reluctant to leave the battlements where Haldir and many of his archers were still fighting, but I persuaded her. Surely her warning would pay off. He seemed to be being careful, checking his surroundings and staying alert.

Cat and I ran down the stone steps. The battle was heating up. The elves hadn't fallen back into the main stronghold yet, so I figured that Haldir was still alive and fighting.

Cat was glancing around and I knew what she was looking for. A sign of dawn breaking was all we needed.

Finally, after what seemed like endless waiting we saw it. Light poured in one of the narrow slit windows, and I heard Theoden's voice in another room nearby. I knew exactly what was happening.

Of course I did though, I knew this scene off by heart. What do you think I am, a noob?

Cat and I hurried to the next room. The door was about to give.

A horn sounded somewhere.

Aragorn drew his sword.

Cat and I prepared our knives.

Nobody noticed the two, smaller-than-average soldiers at the back of the room. We didn't have horses so we couldn't ride out to meet the opposing army, but we could still damn well fight from inside.

The door broke and seemingly endless numbers of Uruk-hai charged.

Theoden, Aragorn and numerous other soldiers- including Legolas- advanced on horseback. I didn't even notice the elves falling back from the battlements into the room behind us. Neither did Cat.

We just launched ourselves forwards with the energy of torpedoes on speed and attacked any Uruks that got past the horsemen...

It was _probably_ for the best that not many did.

* * *

**So, what do you think? By the way, I know that I left out the warg attack in the previous chapter but I never found that part necessary to the plot so... I skipped it. Sorry for those of you who like it, I just... don't. Hope there's a little more humor in this part but again, it's a battle so not much I can do with it. Thanks to everyone who reviewed!  
Drop a review, follow and favourite, it's all appreciated so much! Thanks!**


	16. Err, well

**Erin's POV**

When finally Uruk-hai stopped attacking and ran, terrified, into Fangorn Forest Cat and I were more than pleased. We were absolutely ecstatic! I was a little annoyed that we had missed Gandalf's big entrance but whatever.

I couldn't help but notice silence from Cat, a first for her.

"Cat, what's up? Are you hurt?" I asked, concerned for my sister.

She stayed silent.

"Cat, seriously. Come on. We have celebrating to do, and before we can do that we have to help with the clean-up."

"Erin... the Elves retreated at some point. Haldir isn't with them."

Oh no. There was no way this was happening.

Haldir couldn't die, Cat had warned him about everything. She'd made sure that he'd be alright. She had fought next to him when she could and watched to make sure that he was being as careful as possible- well, as careful as you can be in the midst of a battle.

Cat was on the verge of tears.

"I don't understand! This isn't even necessary to the damn_ plot_!" She exclaimed, before stomping over to a group of quiet and uncharacteristically withdrawn Elves.

"Haldir. Where is he?"

The archers looked away. There were so few of them, so many less than there had been in the beginning...

Cat sighed, turned around and walked dejectedly back to me, head hung. She looked like a kicked puppy. I could only imagine what it would feel like if something had happened to Boromir...

Boromir! I hadn't seen him in a while.

I supposed he was with the group that had charged the Uruk-hai. But I hadn't seen him.

"Cat, have you seen Boromir?"

She looked suddenly shocked. Her eyes widened with the realisation that he hadn't retreated into the keep with everyone else.

"Oh no, oh no, oh no!" I muttered. "We have to look for him."

"Are you kidding me?! It's dangerous up there, the Uruks might not all be gone."

I knew that she was only avoiding the battlements because she didn't want to have to see Haldir.

In fairness to her, I didn't really want to have to see all of the dead either, but at the same time... I had to look for my friend.

I charged up the stairs and Cat trudged along behind me, both of us fearing what we might see.

**Cat's POV**

It took an extreme effort not to look around for Haldir. I kept my eyes pretty much on Erin and ignored the bodies around us.

I'm really not cut out for battles.

Suddenly, Erin stopped, crouching down.

I did the same next to her and smiled slightly as I saw Boromir looking at us.

His helmet was off and he looked a little dazed. There was a deep gash down the left side of his face which had obviously been bleeding for a while because the blood was beginning to dry.

"Are you alright?!" My sister asked, looking as if she was about to freak out.

"Yeah, you don't look so good" I contributed. Erin shot me a glare.

Boromir murmured something about his arm being badly hurt, but other than that said he was alright. I took his word for it.

Erin looked more than a little worried and seemed to be about to accuse him of lying, but then a couple of guys came over and said that they were helping the wounded so we left them to it.

Erin sighed.

"That man is an idiot." She muttered, but seemed more concerned than angry.

"Why's that? Surely Haldir was a bigger bloody idiot." I said this with a lot more anger than I had intended.

Honestly though, I was pissed. I mean, come on. I had tried my absolute hardest to save Haldir but to no avail. I think I had a free 'Anger Pass', thanks.

As hard as it is to accept the fact that someone I had admired was dead, I had never liked him as more of a role model. Perhaps I was a _teensy_ bit obsessed and it came off as me having a crush, but the guy was too... serious.

Yeah, I get it, Elves are a pretty serious bunch most of the time but at least the Mirkwood Elves know how to let loose and throw a really awesome party.

I said as much to Erin, who grinned.

"I already knew all of that, and speaking of Mirkwood Elves..." She grinned and pointed over at Legolas, who was having a conversation with Gimli and Aragorn.

I smiled. Maybe a good old chat with my buddies would help my mood...

**Erin's POV**

I wasn't surprised in the slightest by Cat's revelation of her feelings for Haldir.

We would all be sad because of his death, but there was nothing we could do about it. The faster we got over it the better.

Aragorn seemed to be talking about the next step in our journey with the rest of the gang.

"You two, where is Boromir?" He asked when he noticed us. I just pointed over my shoulder at where Boromir was getting a deep cut bandaged.

"He's okay, I think. An Uruk sliced through his armour." Cat said and I sighed again. I really should have stuck around to cover him.

Gandalf strode over, his staff in hand and I couldn't fight back the smile that forced itself onto my lips.

"Enjoy the big entrance Gandalf?" I laughed. "Wish I'd been there to see it, but the Orcs kept me behind. Sorry 'bout that."

Silence. Cat kicked me hard in the leg. I winced in pain, but knew I deserved it.

"Actually I have wanted to ask you two something." Legolas said tersely.

I looked at Cat. She looked at me. We gulped.

"What exactly were you doing in the middle of a battle acting as if you had gone completely berserk?"

"Heh. About that... you see, we kind of wanted to help so we stolearmorandsnuckintothebattle..."

"Excuse me?"

"Um, we stole armor and ksedfhbjdcn."

"Err, what?" This time it was Cat, not Legolas, who was confused.

"What're you 'what'ing about you idiot. It was your idea to sneak into the battle in the first place!"

Oh crap. I hadn't meant to say that.

Cat looked positively livid.

"One. More. Word."

I stayed quiet.

Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli and Gandalf looked pissed beyond belief. I had never seen them look that angry before.

Just then, Boromir arrived. He was limping slightly and his arm was bandaged. The cut on his face had been left alone.

"Is something wrong?" He asked, looking to me for answers.

I ducked behind him and hid, just whimpering in response. Really, the rest of the Fellowship were damn scary when the were angry!

"Go on Erin. Explain." Cat prodded. For some reason, it seemed I was the only one who was getting in trouble.

Boromir turned to me, looking annoyed already.

"Well, you see..."

I turned tail and ran.


	17. A Surprise and a Smile

**Cat's POV**

After Erin ran away I was left with the great honour of telling an enraged Elf, a Dwarf, two angry men and a seriously frightening wizard about Erin and I's misadventures during the battle.

When I told Gimli about how I'd saved him from become a Dwarf-kebab he laughed and clapped me on the back so hard that I fell flat on my face.

Because, you know, I'm smart and graceful like that.

It was Legolas who gave me a hand up. He hauled me to my feet and I wandered away to look at the view. I regretted it instantly.

Everywhere I looked Orc and human bodies lay. Ew.

I turned around pretty quick. "Cat, are you alright?" Legolas asked.

I sighed. He obviously didn't know about Haldir, so I told him. He looked thoroughly shocked. So did the rest of our little group, minus Erin who was still in hiding somewhere.

"How did this happen?"

"I don't know! I warned him and he was obviously too thick to realise that 'Oh! I might just die if I don't follow this advice!'"

Yeah, I was more than a little angry at the guy.

With a sigh, Boromir excused himself to go and find Erin.

Nobody said anything about what would happen now that the battle was over, but I already knew. We would go to Isengard.

**Erin's POV**

I didn't actually run particularly far before I was caught by Eowyn.

She pulled me into a conversation about... something - I wasn't really paying attention, but it was probably about Aragorn - and then Boromir found me.

He pretty much dragged me to a quiet spot outside the keep where we could talk in private without fear of being overheard.

At first he just glared at me so I, being the idiot that I am, decided to kickstart the impending argument with the winning line,'I didn't do it.'

That didn't go down very well.

Judging from the rant that followed he was pretty angry at me for being in the battle, but I had already known that.

It was the last thing he said to me before he stormed off that really hit me.

He admitted that he had been worried about me, even scared...

It came as a shock to me that he would fear for me and get so worked up about the fact that I had put myself in danger.

But maybe his feelings were only a result of a long time travelling together as part of the Fellowship. Maybe he only cared because I know what should happen in the future. Because I'm different.

'Yeah', I thought. 'That's all.'

At some point I picked my jaw up off the ground and headed to the battlements where everyone else was standing.

They looked pretty awkward so I started humming the Lord of the Rings theme tune under my breath and Cat joined in. Soon we were all-out singing.

Sadly, Gandalf wasn't in the mood for a rendition of 'The Campfire Song' and thwacked us both over the head with his staff. Party pooper.

"Cat, Erin. As I have already told everyone else, the battle of Helm's Deep is over; the battle for Middle Earth is about to begin. We must prepare. All our hopes-"

"-Now lie with two little hobbits, somewhere in the wilderness." Cat and I chanted and our little group laughed.

As long as we could laugh, I guessed we could come away from this war all right.


	18. Arguments and Water Troughs

**Hey you guys! Sorry the last chapter was so short, my muse was away on vacation and the plot bunnies got muzzles so they couldn't bite... Anyway, I have a small announcement to make. This story was originally to be a Boromir/OC and a Legolas/OC story... I'm changing that. Instead of pairing a certain character with Legolas, I'll be pairing her with Eomer. Sorry to all those who have been following the story for the Legolas pairing, I just really dislike writing Legomance. It was putting me off writing the story, as you may have noticed with the last chapter. So, we are heading into Return of the King- exciting! I'd better start working on the romance from here on! Anyway, onto the story!**

**Erin's POV**

Next stop, Isengard. I was seriously excited at this point, remembering the Ents and the floods and above all... Mippin!

I couldn't wait to see those two mischievous little hairy-toed, food-obsessed smokers!

By the way Cat was bouncing around, she knew what was coming too.

Of course, we couldn't tell the rest of the Fellowship, because they wouldn't have the same reactions and they probably wouldn't believe us anyway...

Oh ye of little faith!

I knew that Boromir would be ecstatic to see that they were okay. Maybe he'd lighten up a little, have some fun for once... Or I could just get him drunk.

Yeah, that seems the better option.

**Cat's POV**

"Before we go, can I go find Eomer?"

Everyone looked at me strangely.

"Why?" Aragorn dared to ask.

I glared. He shut his face up.

"Where will he be?"

"I'll come and help you find him!" Erin volunteered, but she looked pretty mischievous.

Oh, I knew exactly why she wanted to come. She wanted to make things awkward for me! But I would outdo her- 'cause I'm a BAMF like that.

"No thanks, Erin. Why don't you go talk to Boromir?"

If that girl had glared any harder she would've brought the entire fortress to its knees.

Seriously, that look could shatter stone into billions of tiny pieces.

"Oh, are you sure you don't want me to come with you? Are you talking to him about something... private?"

I ground my teeth in anger. Of course my twin would do this. Yeah, I tried to get to her but we should have been even after that. Why did she have to go and dig at me?

The rest of the group seemed to be enjoying our argument. They were looking from we to Erin and back to me as if they were watching a live game if tennis- not that they have tennis in Middle Earth. Maybe they would enjoy it... Nah.

Anyway, Erin and I began one of the longest staring competitions ever held in ME... The longest was, of course, between Frodo and Strider before he was known as Aragorn. I mean really, can you say STALKER?

Finally, after almost a minute and a half I couldn't stand it any longer. I broke my gaze, gave the assembled group around Erin and I a parting glance and stormed off to find Eomer.

It was just my luck to almost collide with him on the staircase.

"Uh, hey! How's it going?" Eomer looked blank.

I mentally facepalmed as I realised that he didn't have a monkeys what I was going on about.

"Err, can I talk to you for a second?" "Of course, milady. Is there a problem?"

My eyes darted about wildly as I looked for somewhere private to talk.

"Over here!" I demanded.

Surprisingly, the brony leader followed as I walked outside, to the same place Erin and Boromir had stood earlier.

Uh... I wasn't spying...

**Erin's POV**

"Hey. Hey Aragorn. Hey. Can I ask you something? No? Too bad, Imma ask you anyway."

At this Aragorn looked rather peeved. Then again, he always looks peeved. Or high. It's one or the other with him.

"Look. I was thinking... Before we leave, can we all get really drunk? 'Cause I've never been really off-my-face drunk before, and if we're about to skip merrily to Isengard and expect not to be cursed to burn forever, I'd like to have that experience."

For a moment Aragorn paused. Then he turned on his heel and walked two steps forward without answering me.

But after I'd poked him enough and attempted to discover if he was ticklish- he wasn't- he caved.

"I desperately need a drink. In fact, make that two."

**Cat's POV**

"Look. I think I owe you an explanation.

"When we first met, after your guys had killed all the Orcs, introductions were given. You never got to find out where I actually come from, so I suppose I'll explain. Erin and I are from a different world."

I had expected a gasp, maybe some "IMPOSSIBLE!"s. But instead, I just made the horse dude laugh.

By laugh, I mean side-splitting, oxygen-withholding, tear-inducing laughs of awesomeness.

It was pretty insulting.

After Eomer had laughed for, oh I don't know,_ two minutes straight, _I decided that serious actions would have to be taken.

So, I grabbed a vuvuzela that mysteriously appeared out of nowhere and bonked him on the head with it.

"What exactly did you do that for? Was it really necessary?!"

"Cognitive recalibration. I hit you really hard in the head." I replied, a very 'murderous assassin' air about me.

"And yes it was necessary. My story is true, you Son of an Orc!"

Oh, I'm such a flirt.

Eometo took my insult surprisingly well.

Well, if 'surprisingly well' meant throwing me over his shoulder, carrying me to a stable and dunking me head first in a trough of thankfully clean water.

"Hey what was that for? And more importantly, do you believe me?"

"I do, Lady Cat. And-"

"Call me 'Lady' once more and I castrate you."

He gulped.

**If anyone gets the 'Cognitive Recalibration' quote, hugs from Eomer and Boromir to you! You know, when I stop forcing them to do my will in this story. That... Came out a little dirty. Minds out of the gutter ladies and gents! Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed, drop a review if you have the time!**


	19. Blankets are Warm

**Éomer's POV- Earlier**

"So what happens now?"

Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Boromir, and Théoden were all gathered in the hall with me, discussing where to go.

Of course, the answer was obvious.

Isengard, to face Saruman, was where we would go. The only real debate was how exactly to get there.

Nobody except the Elf particularly wanted to ride through the forest of Fangorn, but there was no other way to get to the tower of Orthanc where the White Wizard resided.

Of course, that title would have to be changed.

Gandalf was the only true White Wizard now and Saruman would hopefully be dead by the end of our 'visit' to his tower.

"So it is decided." Théoden said, and I started.

I had lost interest in the conversation and while my mind had wandered, it seemed nobody elses had. It was settled. We would reach Isengard through Fangorn Forest.

"Who travels to Isengard?" asked Théoden.

I volunteered myself to go immediately, of course.

If there was a chance of Saruman's death, I wanted to be there to see it.

The heir of Isildur, Aragorn, went with Théoden and I as expected, and his three companions joined him.

"But what of Erin and Cat?" Asked Lord Boromir, of Gondor. "Surely they cannot stay here, but can they come?"

"They are a part of your company, are they not?" I asked.

Of course I knew the answer, and as a part of the company both women would travel with us. It was a done thing. Both Cat, and her sister, would journey to Isengard.

**Later...**

**Erin's POV**

Aragorn and I headed off to a where a couple of people were drinking what seemed to be ale.

After some bargaining on Aragorn's part, we got two mugs of ale. Winning!

Now to find somewhere to sit.

I dragged Aragorn to an empty spot by a wall and demanded that he sit down.

If he changed his mind about drinking before I got some ale, I was going to go insane.

So, I settled down next to him, grabbed my mug and had just raised it to my lips when... Aw, crap.

Boromir.

Dammit, what could I do?

My brain seemed to have decided to take a hike for a while, so I did what I do best- Something stupid.

I glugged down every drop of ale, stole Aragorn's mug and swallowed most of that down too…

If you're going to do something, do it right I guess.

"What are you drinking? Is that ale?"

Uh oh. He knows! Heuston we have a problem!

"Um... Maybe. And that totally doesn't mean yes."

Great answer, Erin. Smart. Real smart.

"Why are you drinking ale?"

He doesn't seem too pissed at me. I might get out of this!

"And why is drinking a good idea when we are about to head for Isengard?"

Shitmonkeys. Balls. Flippin' logic.

After a moment of thought and a silent consultation with the ground, I looked up at Boromir.

He still didn't look angry. Or sound angry, for that matter. Odd, very odd.

He was just standing there, eyebrow raised, waiting for me to answer.

I looked to my left, where Aragorn had been, and discovered that he had run off at some point in the conversation.

Geez, for the heir of Isildur and possible future king of Gondor, he sure was kind of a coward. And a dick. But mostly a coward. So there was nothing for it.

Sighing in resignation, I held Aragorn's still half-full mug of ale out to Boromir and smiled. "Want some?"

**Cat's POV**

I trailed up the steps to where I knew the Fellowship would be waiting, sopping wet.

Me, I mean. Not the Fellowship, though that's a pretty good idea... Meh. Another time.

I was about to go and search for Erin to ask if we could put aside our differences- for the sake of Mippin- when I heard someone calling me.

Éomer.

"Yeah? Something wrong?" I asked, turning to look down at him.

He just handed me a blanket and walked away quickly.

Okay... whatever.

I had to admit though, that blanket was really warm.

So I continued the walk of shame over to where Erin was sat with Boromir, honestly not caring if I interrupted something.

They could both get stuffed if they thought I was going to walk on eggshells around them whenever they were together.

Boromir was drinking something from a mug and Erin had another mug sitting beside her on the ground.

It was probably empty, considering that whatever they were drinking was almost definitely ale and my sister had always been curious about alcohol- but she had no tolerance for the stuff whatsoever.

A sip of wine at Christmas and the poor girl's as drunk as a sailor.

Finally, I finished the walk over to them and stood there for a second, waiting for them to notice me.

"Are you drunk?" Boromir asked her, a hint of amusement in his voice.

Erin protested quietly, seeming exhausted.

Yeah, when she has too much she gets tired.

Brilliant, considering we're meant to be heading to, oh I don't know, Isengard now!

"She most definitely is!" I contributed cheerily.

"She's slammed. Off her face. Done, drowned, stumblin' around. Absolutely wrecked."

I could keep going like this for hours.

"She's hammered, plastered, tanked, blitzed, pissed, buzzed, shit-faced..."

Boromir was looking up at me, completely shocked out of his wits.

"Do you want me to keep going, or shall I stop? Because I'm pretty sure I left out FUBAR: Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition. Ya know, I like that one! Or maybe-"

"Cat."

"Yeah?"

"Shut it."

Some people have no patience.

Anyway, during my little tangent Erin's head had fallen onto Boromir's shoulder and she was pretty deeply asleep, and actually quiet.

Couldn't have been the drink that did that... Erin never shuts up, especially around Boromir. Maybe she'd been smoking pipeweed.

Yeah, let's go with that.

As I stood there awkwardly, Aragorn called that it was time to go from the ground below.

With a sigh, Boromir scooped Erin up bridal style and carried her downstairs.

I hurried to keep up. I didn't want to miss this little piece of gold.

I wanted to tell Erin every little detail when she woke up from her alcohol-induced sleep.

Oh, this would be fun.

Aragorn's face when we arrived at the horses was priceless.

Boromir's horse was already saddled.

He looked it over for a second before nodding to himself and climbing on, Erin still in his arms.

D'aww.

He adjusted her so that she sat on the horse, her head leaning against his chest, and glanced at me, Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli.

"What are you waiting for?"

I promptly jumped to attention and started looking for something to do.

Nix. Nada.

So I stared off into the distance and whistled 'Far Over the Misty Mountains Cold' quietly, secretly hoping that Gimli would recognise the song and involve me in a conversation, but no.

Dammit.

All I was thinking was that Éomer and Théoden had better hurry up or they would find that it's rather difficult to ride a horse with your eyes gouged out.

Eventually they arrived and Éomer raised an eyebrow at me.

God, why was everyone raising their eyebrows?

Were they rubbing in the fact that I couldn't?

All eyebrow-raising conspiracy-theories aside, I seriously didn't know who I was riding with.

All I knew was that I wasn't riding on my own because there wasn't a horse for me, and I wasn't with Boromir or Legolas.

Not Théoden either, 'cause he's a king.

It's not cool to share a horse when you're king.

Aragorn's heir of Isildur, so too high and mighty to share his horse with lowly little me.

Éomer swung himself up on his horse and looked at me.

I wasn't sure if it was my imagination or not, but I swear the ghost of a smile was on his lips.

He held out his hand for me to grab and helped me up.

Thankfully I didn't completely embarrass myself in front of him.

Not that I'm worried about that, of course.

I just... like to look graceful.

Yeah. That's all...


	20. Spiky Spike is Spiky

**Cat's POV**

"In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps toniiiiiight..."I sang cheerily as we rode through Fangorn Forest.

"I think you will find", came the elf's icy voice, "That we are in a forest, Cat. Not a 'Jungle'."

"Jeez, calm down, Leggy. Did you get a spider down your pants or something?"

Éomer cracked up, attempting to direct the horse while almost crying from laughter.

"Chill, Brony! Steer!" I yelped as I ducked a low-hanging branch that attempted to impale me. "Keep us away from the evil twigs."

Even as I heard myself say those words, I winced.

There was a resounding 'Hoom' from the trees but thankfully nothing more.

Well, branches seemed to be repositioning themselves to slap me, but since I was behind Éomer he got hit the most.

Yowch. It looked pretty painful, but having a human shield was nice...

I didn't get so many twigs in my hair.

**Erin's POV**

I woke up with in the middle of a forest. On a horse. With a killer headache.

Fun, if you're a masochist, I guess. Sadly, I'm not so I didn't enjoy that little experience one bit.

"What the hell?" I muttered, and was surprised to hear Boromir laugh from behind me- very, very close behind me.

Wait just a sec, I could literally feel him laughing.

Next, I noticed that his arms were around me waist, keeping me still against his chest.

With an internal sigh, I admitted to myself that it wasn't quite the worst way to wake up.

Definitely the worst place though, and the worst scenario.

We were in the middle of what I presumed to be Fangorn Forest, I was hungover to hell and we were on our way to Isengard. Bloody brilliant.

"So, where are we?" I asked, trying to speak without provoking my headache.

"We have almost reached Isengard. How is your head?"

I swore I could hear a hint of amusement in his tone, before he gave it away by beginning to laugh again.

"Stop laughing you jerk! How long have I been out? And don't say 'a while' because I will slap you."

"How are you going to slap me when firstly you are facing away from me, and secondly you are much too hungover to even attempt moving?"

Damn. He had me there.

"But to answer your question, you've been asleep for a few hours. Your sister was worried."

At this, Cat turned around and waved happily.

Apparently, she had decided to forget our fight earlier. I was willing to comply.

She was behind Éomer, which was surprising. I would've thought she'd insist on sitting in front, until I saw what seemed to be happening.

Every time Cat and Éomer would get close to certain trees, branches would lower themselves, apparently aiming for Cat.

Every time, they hit Éomer.

Nice one, Cat. Smart girl. Not-so-smart Brony.

My sister had always liked Éomer, though she never had any weird fangirl infatuation like she did with Legolas.

In fact, she hasn't had any fangirl episodes for a while now. Huh.

I guess it would be freaky though, to fangirl so hard about someone you know pretty well.

Yeah...

Deep thoughts aside, we had reached Isengard.

I was literally quivering with excitement, headache pretty much forgotten.

I felt like Merry on a sugar high, and from looking at my sister she was turning into Pippin after drinking Mountain Dew.

We were now out in the open, in the fresh air again.

"Hey, Boromir?" I asked, turning around.

"Hangover forgotten?"

"Yup. You'll see why pretty soon! But anyway, I wanted to say thanks. For... you know. Putting up with me."

He smiled, letting the reins drop for a second.

His hand found mine, squeezing it lightly.

He didn't say anything.

He didn't have to.

**Cat's POV**

We rounded a corner, and there they were.

My Mippin!

With a scream of delight, I launched myself off the horse and sprinted at them.

They both seemed pretty happy to return the bear-hug I pretty much attacked them with.

"ERMAHGERD!" Erin squealed and joined the group hug.

When we finally let go Merry and Pippin put their arms around each other's shoulders, grinning at the rest of our little group.

Erin and I let our hands rest on the tops of their curly heads, grinning.

Boromir got off his horse, walking toward us slowly.

"Merry? Pippin?" He sounded disbelieving, wondering if it was true, if his eyes were deceiving him.

Both hobbits jumped forward to hug him and he laughed, ruffling their hair.

When Boromir had extracted himself from the hobbits, Merry bowed to the rest of the party.

"Welcome, my lords, to Isengard!"

"You young rascals! A merry hunt you've led us on, and now we find you... feasting and... And _smoking_!"

Gimli sounded pretty outraged. Merry and Pippin just looked smug.

"We are sitting on a field of victory enjoying a few well-earned comforts."

Yup, definitely smug.

Merry blew a smoke ring in my direction, and I instantly choked on the smoke. Nasty.

"Watch where you blow your second-hand smoke, Mippin! I don't know who's who, but I will find you, and I will kill you!"

I was ignored. Le sigh.

After a brief discussion about salted pork and orders from Treebeard, we all began the short trek to the black tower, Orthanc.

I shuddered, knowing I would have to see Saruman.

After what he called me last time, he wasn't getting off light. He called me a goddamn witch! You insult me... You die.

**Erin's POV**

"Gandalf. What are you doing? Gandalf! STAHP!"

I yelped as Gandalf said the words "We need him to talk."

No, Gandalf. If he talks, we'll all be dead. He's a wizard, Gandalf!

I could imagine Gandalf replying with

"He's a what?"

But no matter. As suddenly as always, Saruman appeared on the edge of Orthanc.

He did his little 'Can we have peace' thingy, and Théoden did his 'When you're dead, ya piece of poop' speech, and then Cat decided that it was her time to shine.

"Hey! Hey you!" She yelled, jumping up and down.

I facepalmed. Looked like I was gonna have to jump in.

"Remember us?" I asked, brave face firmly on. Like a boss!

Saruman laughed and I shuddered.

Creepster alert!

"Of course, the witches. I am surprised, I did not have much faith in you two. I judged you wrongly. How have you survived this long, hmm? I will hazard a guess. You have simply relied on others, and your simple knowledge of the events which should come to pass. Perhaps that has worked so far, but no longer. Things are changing. Even you, who supposedly know the fates of all, cannot predict the future.

"Your allies do not remember the events which came to pass before your arrival here, in Middle-Earth. Do you wish they did? Do you long for them to know of the things which happened? Or is this better?"

He smiled at us, cunning and sly.

I turned to Cat for a quick discussion.

"We need to explain this to everyone, see if Gandalf can get everyone's memories back. If not, we're gonna have to bargain with Saruman."

"But... We can't! We don't need them to remember, we're doing fine just the way we are!"

"I don't know Cat... It's not right, pretending nothing ever happened. They have a right to know what went on."

"You're right, Erin. As per usual. But we're not bargaining with Saruman. We'll just tell them ourselves if we can't get their memories back."

"Hey, bro! Listen up, we're talking to ya!" Cat yelled. "We don't want your stupid memory spell. Just screw off man! Leave us all alone!"

At this point, Grima decided to show his ratty little face.

Théoden asked him to come down, to be free of Saruman, but he refused.

Saruman continued to speak, to drag the name of Rohan through the mud.

Grima attempted to speak.

Saruman's hand darted out, faster than I would've thought, and struck him hard.

"Cur!" He spat, and Grima fell to the ground.

I knew what was coming. So did Cat, and she looked at me in horror.

"I don't want to see this." She whispered, and I swallowed.

"Me neither." I knew that by now, Grima's face would be a mask of rage.

A dagger would be in his hand.

Sooner than I had anticipated, Grima surged forward and stabbed Saruman once, twice in the back.

Legolas drew his bow and shot Grima straight in the chest.

"What the- No!" Cat yelped, and I winced.

I reached over to shield my sister's eyes as Saruman began to fall towards the ground.

I closed my own eyes, horrified.

Yeah, I hated Saruman. Yeah, I wanted him off the face of the planet. But no, I had never seriously wanted to see anyone impaled on a spike.

There was a dull 'thock' as Saruman landed.

To my surprise, Boromir swung himself off his horse and walked to my side, taking my hand.

"It's done." He whispered, and I sighed and opened my eyes.

As randomly as he had come, he left, going to stand next to his horse.

Men, just can't handle emotion.

As the water-wheel thingy started to move, Saruman's hand dropped the palantír into the water.

Pippin wasted no time in running to it and scooping it out of the water, as soon as Saruman's body had disappeared beneath the murky water.

Gandalf promptly grabbed it and wrapped it in his grey cloak. Party pooper.

"I'm glad that's over." Cat said to me, and I couldn't help the smile on my face.

"Saruman's dead, we have our Mippin back... What could be better!"

"You two fools, come here. We are leaving for Edoras." Gandalf said, sounding pissed...

_Could_ have had something to do with the enormous secret we were hiding... Nah, I doubt it.

**Cat's POV**

Woo, horseriding! Yay... Not.

The last thing I wanted to do was get back on a bloody horse and go all the way to Edoras, sitting behind Éomer.

The guy was pretty cool and I liked talking to him, but I felt kinda awkward.

I have no clue why, I just... did.

So anyway, Boromir lifted a- now conscious- Erin onto his horse, smirking at her blush, and got on himself.

So Erin gets treated like a lady but I don't? Huh. I feel so _loved._

So, there I was thinking all of these things, when I feel myself getting lifted up by someone really damn strong.

"What the-"

"Relax. You weren't listening and you wouldn't move, so I'll carry you to the horse. It's not a problem." Éomer again. As he said that, he pretty much swept me up into his arms so that I was now bridal-style.

Somehow this was becoming a recurring theme.

First Boromir and Erin, now Éomer and little ol' me. Joy.

So anyhoo, he plonked me down on his horse and then got up himself- sitting behind me.

His arms were now around my waist so that he could reach the reins and I was forced to lean back against his chest.

It just got better and bloody better, didn't it!

I glanced at Boromir and my sister. They seemed perfectly relaxed.

Well, Erin did. Boromir seemed to be fumbling with the reins a little bit more than was normal and was blushing the tiniest bit...

Odd. Very odd...

We rode for two days. Yeah, you heard right. Two frikkin' days.

By the end I was sore, tired, hungry, and feeling incredibly awkward.

I mean, I had literally spent two days in Éomer's arms.

That's... weird to say the least.

**Erin's POV**

The two days it took to get to Edoras were strange.

At first, Boromir and I were a little shy of each other.

Towards the evening of our first day, we were a little more comfortable.

By the time we reached Edoras, we were ready to spend time with other humans.

I mean, we weren't sick of each other but we were tired and irritable.

I was tiptoeing so that I wouldn't get angry at him and he was doing the same.

We were just being careful.

When we arrived the relief was palpable.

It felt great to have somewhere to sleep, a promise of hot food and a bath.

Everyone was incredibly happy and ready for some serious rest.

After we had eaten and bathed, it was time for sleep.

Damn, was I tired!


	21. Tearful Farewells

**Cat's POV**

I woke up in the middle of the night to screaming.

There was a bright orange light, flickering like flames, lighting up the room around me and the rest of the occupants. For a moment, I was confused.

Perhaps Orcs had broken in? What if another battle was beginning? But suddenly I realised- the palantír.

It was the exact time that Pippin should take it and- Pippin!

Said hobbit was holding the glowing orb, crying out in fear of whatever it was that he was seeing or feeling at the hands of Sauron. Without even a thought I rushed to him, ignoring the warnings of Aragorn, my sister, and Gandalf himself.

The palantír was wreathed in flame, the Eye of Sauron standing out brightly in its depths.

Roughly I tore the palantír from Pippin's grip and before I knew it I was contorted in pain that blinded me, stunned me. I felt numb to everything but the fire and the sensation of thousands of tiny, burning needles pricking my skin.

A voice asked of the Ring, said that it knew who and what I was. I writhed on the ground and heard a scream.

"I don't know! I don't know! Stop, please!" the voice cried.

My throat felt raw and I realised that the screaming person was me. For a second, I was jolted out of my trance and saw Aragorn running towards me in slow motion, closely followed by Legolas.

Éomer was yelling something that I couldn't hear as they moved towards me. Erin was reaching for me, held back by Gimli and Boromir.

And then the pain was back, more intense than before, and I blacked out.

**Erin's POV**

"Cat!" I screamed, fear gripping me like a vice. I fought to reach my twin as she fell to the ground, her body twisting and her eyes wide in terror.

"Let me go!" I shrieked to whoever was holding me back.

Cat. Palantír. Pippin. Yelling. Crying.

Tears blurred my vision as Aragorn wrenched the palantír from my twin's hands, before falling himself. The flaming sphere fell from his grip and rolled across the floor and Gandalf threw his cloak, covering the thing.

Boromir and Gimli, who had been restraining me since Pippin touched the sphere, released me.

"Fools!" Gandalf yelled, but neither of the victims were able to hear him.

I ran to Cat, but soon fell back with my hand covering my mouth in shock.

Her eyes were blank, as were Pippin's, staring straight up at the ceiling. They seemed... dead. Gandalf fell to his knees between them, resting a hand on each of their foreheads, his eyes closed. He muttered something, and after a few seconds, the victims stirred.

Pippin simply gasped while Cat groaned in pain before sitting bolt upright and exclaiming,

"I didn't tell him anything! I swear, I told him nothing, and I saw... I saw the White Tree and-"

Gandalf's hand covered her mouth quickly, for fear that someone may overhear her words.

Boromir started at the mention of the White Tree, asking hurried questions about what she saw and what was said.

Gandalf quietened him.

"Now, Pippin. What did you see, you silly hobbit?" Asked the wizard.

Pippin shook from head to toe, muttering

"Gandalf, forgive me!" over and over.

"What did you see?"

"I saw a tree... A white tree, in a courtyard of stone." Whispered Pippin. "It was dead. The city was burning."

Boromir swallowed, before saying in a bitter tone,

"Minas Tirith. Is this the present Gandalf? Has this all been for nothing?"

"No, Boromir. The palantír shows many things, but I do not believe this to be the present. Not yet, anyways."

Now Gandalf looked between Cat and Pippin, both of whom shuddered under his gaze.

"Did you tell him anything? About Frodo and the Ring?"

"No!" Pippin exclaimed.

"Cat?" My sister grinned weakly. "I told him to bugger off."

After I had ensured that both Cat and Pippin were well, I headed outside for some air. I needed it, I truly did.

To my surprise, Boromir was already there, looking deep in thought.

"Do you think, Erin," He asked without turning around "that there is any hope left? Or has our journey been in vain?"

I sighed and walked to his side, my hand moving to rest on his arm.

"It'll all be worth it. You'll get back there soon and be ready to help the people in any way necessary, like you always have."

Even I could hear the bitterness in my tone as I said the final few words.

As much as I wanted to deny the fact that I liked having him around, I couldn't.

"Is there something wrong Erin?"

"I guess that... Due to things I'll explain to everyone soon, I know that our group is going to have to split up. I mean, you're going to go to Gondor of course and others will probably go too, but I know for a fact that certain people won't. And I don't know where I stand on that because I want to help as best as I can, but... I don't know how. I can't fight, I'm useless at following orders, and I'll probably end up getting someone else killed!"

Boromir put a hand up to silence me.

"Erin, when I leave for Minas Tirith- and I will leave at first light, no matter what- I would be honoured to have you come with me. No matter what you say, you will be useful and if you come, I can keep an eye on you- stop you from getting into mischief!"

I smiled weakly. Truthfully, I would be completely happy to go with Boromir to Minas Tirith, but my worry lingered. I knew somehow that Cat would stay behind.

I didn't want to be separated from my sister, not now. Not when Middle-Earth rested on the brink of apocalypse.

But looking up at Boromir, I realised one thing: I couldn't stay by my twin's side forever. I wouldn't always be there to keep her from being immature. I had made my decision.

"I'll come."

Boromir laughed loudly and pulled me into a hug. I returned it, suddenly excited for the journey ahead.

It'd be cool, to see Gondor and Minas Tirith, and maybe even meet people I'd read about in the books!

I was still hugging Boromir, both of us smiling, when there was an annoyed sound from the door.

"Bloody hell, can you please come inside so that we can get where we're going?" Gimli groaned.

Boromir released me pretty much straightaway and I grinned at the grumpy dwarf. "Of course, Master Gimli! Let's go!"

**Cat's POV**

After I had recovered from my little palantír-induced panic attack, I felt well enough to puzzle over step two of 'Operation: Remain in Rohan'.

Obviously I didn't want to just chill there for the entire war but I didn't want to go to Minas Tirith, that was for sure. Crazy shizzle happened in Minas Tirith, and with Boromir alive- I didn't want to know what was gonna happen.

Things were definitely going to change because of Erin's little crush.

Erin seemed to be acting a little differently since we'd arrived in Middle-Earth. She had always been the more calm and collected twin compared to me, but there had been a time not so long ago when both of us would have lunged to save Pippin without thinking. When both of us would have been talking and comforting each other.

Erin had become quieter, strange. Perhaps a little more... mature.

She never wanted to prank anyone anymore, never acted as random as she once had, and she was spending a ton of time with Boromir. Now, I wasn't sure what was going on there at the time but those two seemed to constantly be chatting away to each other.

As I was thinking this, I saw Éomer sit down next to me on the floor.

"Are you alright? I brought you a blanket." He said, and I looked up with a smile.

"What is it with me needing blankets when you're around?!"

We shared a laugh and he wrapped the blanket around me.

"Better?"

"Yeah, much. Thanks, Éomer."

Erin came over and sat in front of us then.

"Hope I'm not interrupting anything, but we haven't got much time. I leave for Minas Tirith in ten."

"Err, what do you mean by 'you'?"

"Gandalf, Pippin, Boromir and I. I wasn't going to go but Boromir convinced me."

Éomer moved as if to get up and leave but my hand on his arm stopped him short. "Stick around. This'll only take a minute. You're going to Minas Tirith and leaving me here?" The last part was addressed to Erin and I couldn't mask the hurt in my tone.

I had never thought that we might be separated from each other, especially not with a war on the horizon.

"You'll be staying here?" Éomer asked and there was something undetectable in his tone, a lightness that I couldn't quite trace.

"I suppose I will..."

"Cat? I guess we should say our goodbyes now, Gandalf is getting impatient. I still have to grab my stuff."

"Okay, Erin. I... I'll see you soon, when all of this is over. Be careful, sis!"

Tears were building up in my eyes.

"I'm sorry Cat. Goodbye! I'll miss you!" Erin said, and then turned to Éomer.

"Keep an eye on Cat, will you? Don't you dare let her get hurt!" Éomer simply nodded.

Then my sister picked up her bag and cloak, took her place standing next to Boromir, and left without a backwards glance.


	22. Why So Serious?

**Erin's POV**

Riding to Minas Tirith. Fun. At least this time I got my own horse- a hyperactive evil horse of doom and murder.

Why do I always seem to get the bad luck?

Everyone traveled lightly, bringing almost nothing but weapons and the smallest amount of food needed. I kind of expected Gandalf to stick around by Boromir and I, but as soon as he got on the damn horse, he shot off.

Seriously, manners really suck in Middle-Earth!

So Gandalf did his whole "Shadowfax, show us the meaning of haste!" thingy and disappeared with Pippin, leaving Boromir and I to travel the old-fashioned way. Dammit.

Boromir and I spent a lot of our time talking or, in the evening time, training. Sometimes, I would tell him stories of the things that had happened while he and the others were trapped in our world, and he would fill me in on the legends of Gondor and other cool stuff like that.

We were about two days into the journey when we saw Gandalf again, which wasn't a very good sign.

He and Pippin were speeding towards us across the land on Shadowfax, kicking up enormous dust trails as they went. Perhaps they had reached Minas Tirith and something terrible was happening- maybe the armies of Mordor had already arrived and blocked our path into the White City!

Thankfully, it turned out to be a little less extreme than that. Emphasis on 'a little'.

"Orcs!" Gandalf cried to us when he came withing shouting distance. "A pack, probably scouting. Nevertheless, if they join with the armies of Sauron, even 20 orcs will make a difference."

Boromir looked stern but there was a hint of excitement in his eyes. That weird 'I'm-a-totally-undefeatable-boss' part of him was playing up again. He should get that checked out or something.

"We can go around them, but it will take us extra hours and they may well spot us anyway. We must fight."

And, that's where the Captain-General part of him comes in.

Hurriedly, I readied my bow. I'd never fought on horseback so I figured that when we reached the orcs we would have to dismount so that we could actually do some damage. Yeah, maybe not.

It only took us maybe a half hour to reach the orcs, which meant that Gandalf and Pippin actually hadn't gone that far ahead. Yippee. Gandalf may have been slightly off with the amount of orcs though, because it was in fact closer to a pack of thirty than twenty.

They had evidently set up camp for a while, because they were complaining about the lack of humans to eat and other important political topics, none of which happened to be the impending destruction of the entire world if we didn't get past. Le sigh.

So, we come over the crest of the hill, see these orcs, and I'm thinking we're going to stop and formulate a plan, maybe do some awesome 'Team, GO!' fist-bump action and then head in.

Wrong again, go back to the start. Don't collect the cash when you pass Go.

In reality, as soon as Boromir saw those orcs he swung off his horse and charged, Gandalf by his side, though on horseback.

I decided that since my long knives were my weapons of choice I should follow, but there was also the whole 'I-don't-want-to-die-like-this' thing, and that was weighing pretty heavily on my mind at the time so I stuck around at the top of the hill, where I had a good vantage point.

Before I'd left Edoras, I'd grabbed a bow from some kid who was standing around, took his quiver full of arrows and left the guy looking like a startled deer in headlights.

Since Boromir and Gandalf were in the thick of things, Pippin in tow, they'd need some cover, right? I started picking off orcs that were around the edge of the group and as I got braver I aimed for the ones closer to my friends.

"7 down... 8..." I muttered to myself as I took down orcs. But then things began to change rapidly.

**Cat's POV**

"Théoden! Bro! Dammit, come here! I don't care if you're a king, don't walk away from me!"

Théoden didn't look at me, or acknowledge me at all as a matter of fact. His little group of followers- scholars, or some crap like that- shot me disgusted looks as they walked away, before looking in shock and slight fear at someone behind me.

"Éomer, stop sneaking up on me!" I almost yelled, turning to face said handsome Rohirrim- wait, what?

You know what, let's pretend I never even thought that.

"Cat, refusing to show the king respect incurs rather a large penalty." He said, smirking all the while.

"Look, Théoden won't listen to me." I whined. "We have to prepare for war and leave for Minas Tirith tonight, tomorrow morning at dawn at the latest. No delays! If we don't hurry, bad stuff will happen! Very, very bad stuff!"

Éomer suddenly looked rather interested in his shoes and the stone floor beneath them.

"I... I have already begun to prepare the men, without the king's leave. But you must be quiet Cat, if people catch wind of this-"

I cut him off by literally leaping into his arms in a massive bear hug. He stood there in complete shock for about a minute and a half while I hung off him like a bloody monkey before finally hugging me back.

"This is my thank-you, I suppose?"

"You're smirking again, Éomer. Watch yourself, or I'll have your life."

"That's not possible, you can't just take-"

"Shush!" I yelled in his ear and he jumped, before attempting to drop me.

By attempted I mean he let go, but I continued to cling to his neck for dear life.

"Please don't drop me, don't drop me, don't drop me!" I squawked and Éomer burst out laughing, unwound my hands from around his neck with one of his own, and let me fall to the ground.

"This is the thanks I get for thanking you?!"

"You should get up. You'll get dirty lying on the ground down there."

After that comment, I must have chased him around Edoras at least twice.

Stupid, overly-confident, handsome, long-legged bronies.

**Erin's POV**

It was almost slow-motion.

Boromir was on his back, surrounded by orcs with no room to maneuver. Gandalf was too busy protecting both himself and Pippin to do anything. It was up to me.

There were too many orcs for me to shoot before one attacked Boromir, possibly killing him. There was literally only one thing to do. I nocked an arrow and aimed slightly to the left of the orcs, but close enough that they would see the arrow and spook.

I let the arrow fly and immediately dropped the bow and quiver onto the ground. I drew my knives and sprinted down the hill while trying not to stumble.

My trick had worked and most of the orcs were looking around for the mystery archer.

There were three orcs left around Boromir. Three two many.

I threw myself into the air, landing on one orc's back.

Boromir's eyes widened in shock before he scrambled to his feet, continuing the fight. I stabbed the orc and moved onto another, fighting back-to-back with Boromir.

Just minutes later, every orc lay dead. None had been smart enough to run, and that was their downfall. Gandalf turned to Boromir and I.

"Pippin and I will go on ahead. Hurry to the White City."

As soon as Gandalf and Pippin were gone, Boromir's entire demeanor changed. He turned to face me, gripping my shoulders.

"What exactly were you trying to do during that fight? Get yourself killed?!" He yelled, and I wasn't too ladylike to yell back.

"I was saving your life- again! You should be damn grateful!"

"I didn't need your help, I was fine!"

"Would you still have been fine with an orc-sword through your gut? I don't think so!"

Boromir glared at me, his silence almost worse than his harsh words.

"Why do you even care anyway? You don't even remember all the time we spent together before, I'm just a stupid, immature girl who doesn't know her place."

I sounded thoroughly defeated, even to my own ears. Defeated and pitiful.

"Erin-"

"Going to yell at me again?"

"Damn it Erin, I don't want you to get hurt! I care about you; I don't want to be responsible for you being injured or even killed! Why won't you just look after yourself?"

I was shocked. He cared about me? Why? How? When did that start? His eyes turned sad as he looked at me, putting a hand under my chin to force me to look into his eyes.

"I don't want to see you hurt Erin. I care about you, quite a lot. Just... be careful, alright?"

It was all I could do to nod at him.

**Cat's POV**

"So, when do we leave?"

Éomer glared at me and replied through gritted teeth,

"We leave when King Théoden has been notified of our preparations and realised that Gondor needs our aid immediately."

Huh. That didn't help at all.

"Look, Brony. I'll go 'inform' Théoden of the fact that we have to go really damn soon, and you can chill here. 'Kay?"

He paused, working out what the hell I'd said, before nodding. I ran as fast as I possibly could to Meduseld and wandered over to Háma, who was guarding the doors to the hall.

"Hey dude. Let me in. I've got urgent business with the top guy around here, so if you don't mind..." I started to inch my way towards the door very slowly.

"You do not have permission to enter."

"Hey! I'll have you beheaded if you don't-"

"Ah, Cat. I trust you have news?" Théoden himself was standing in the now-open door to the hall, smiling slightly.

"Yup, really big news, so we should probably hurry."

Théoden allowed me to enter and then stepped in himself, Háma closing the doors after him. Suck-up.

"Er, hey, how's it going? Um, we're kinda going to war right about now, so if you'd like to join you're more than welcome... I guess."

Théoden's jaw was practically hitting the floor at this point and I was starting to wonder if I should have let Éomer deal with this.

"Have the beacons been lit? Have Gondor called for aid?"

At this exact, idiotic moment, Aragorn, Leggy-bear, and Gimli decided to strut on in and join the show. Brilliant, guys. Perfect timing, 10 out of 10!

"What is going on? Cat, what have you done now?" Aragorn asked and I facepalmed.

"I didn't do anything! I just warned Théoden that his peeps are ready to go to war, and joining them is a pretty good option!"

"Why are my men rallied for battle? Who has done this?"

"That would be me, my king." The newly-arrived Éomer stated.

The conversation then broke out into a squabble over whether it was my fault or not (general consensus was yes), and what to do now. Eventually, it was decided.

"Cat, you know what is to happen, correct?" Aragorn asked. Everyone else quietened.

"Well... Getting to Minas Tirith now and marching out with the armies of Gondor is the best thing we can do. The beacons should have been lit at least four or five days ago, and they were meant to be. I believe the Steward stopped it. But the fact is that they need our help and they need it now."

Théoden sighed.

"I refuse to leave. When the beacons are lit, we shall send them aid, but no sooner."

*** *** ***  
"So do you intend to fight?"

"Yeah, Éomer, I do. Of course I do. I'm here for a reason, I know I am. And if that reason isn't to keep the free people of Middle-Earth free, I don't know what it is."

"But is that really so wise? You are untrained, and this battle will be the most dangerous any of us have ever faced. You should not come. Stay here, with Éowyn. She will need someone to keep her company while others leave."

His eyes shone with passion as he looked down at me.

"Éomer, I've fought before. I know what I'm doing. And anyway, my twin will be out there fighting for what we both believe in. And I'll be damned if I'm going to let her do it alone."

"You're a very brave woman, Cat. Your spirit is worthy of a shieldmaiden of Rohan."

We both gazed up at the stars in silence.

**Erin's POV**

When we reached Minas Tirith, it was in complete chaos. People were panicking as they followed orders to leave the city, preparing carts and wains and other things, which were filled with their belongings.

Soldiers were running around passing orders and occasionally stopped to gaze at Boromir in complete wonder.

"Hey, Boromir?"

"Yes?"

Boromir had pretty much been avoiding speaking to me for quite some time now, since the orc incident, in fact.

"Show me where we can stable our horses. And then show me... other stuff. Because Gandalf is really busy talking to Denethor at the moment, and you shouldn't go in there. Yeah."

"I must speak to my father, Erin. If he has found the Horn of Gondor, which you and your sister so graciously disposed of, he may think me dead."

Stubborn, huh? Well, I could take care of that.

"You'll ruin the entire future of everything you dickhead! Your father can't know you're here!"

"Erin. I have to go."

Oh. Well then. So much for the future- goodbye cruel world...


	23. Not Now, Not Ever

**Erin's** **POV**

"Boromir? My son... You live!"

Denethor rushed to embrace his eldest son, a smile on his face. Boromir seemed distracted, looking around for someone or something. I looked at Gandalf with questioning eyes, but he wasn't looking at me. Instead, he was shaking his head at Boromir.

"Father, where is Faramir? Is he well?"

Denethor's expression changed completely when Faramir was brought up.

"He is in Ithilien. He will return when he has finished the task that you began- and failed."

Woah. That didn't sound good at all. Time for the all-powerful Erin to step in!

"Hey! Yeah, don't look so shocked, I'm not a frikkin' statue you know, I _can_ speak!"

Boromir gave me a 'The-hell-you-doing?!' look, but I turned away from him to focus on Denethor.

"If you tell me that Faramir's gone to get the Ring, I'm gonna have your life."

"What is this... _girl _doing here?"

Oh, he's gonna get it!

"I'm here 'cause I'm a BAWS, and don't you forget it! Now tell me where the hell you sent your fucking son!"

"Father... He's claiming the Ring isn't he."

Denethor nodded solemnly.

Hell no.

**Cat's POV**

Why wasn't anything happening by now? Why hadn't the beacons been lit and aid called for? Something really big and really damn bad must have been going on in Minas Tirith to stop such a major thing from taking place.

I groaned and put my head in my hands. Seriously, why did stuff like this always happen to me?

The morning passed without any news from Gondor. The beacons weren't lit. No messenger came from anyone. The sun continued to shine. Aragorn seemed to be more tense than ever, never focusing on anything in particular and pacing around the main hall constantly. Finally, I had enough.

"Aragorn, if you don't stop your bloody pacing I will smash your skull in with a vuvuzela!"

Nothing. Not even a raised eyebrow in response.

I needed _entertainment_. And there was only one person I could think of who would be perfectly happy to dump me in a trough of water or run around all of Edoras while war loomed on the horizon.

"Éomer! I need your help!"

The Brony was there before I could blink. I grinned up at him innocently and, while he looked down at me questioningly, reached out and...

Poke.

Frowning, Éomer returned the gesture. I smirked and poked him again. He kept it up.

It was ON!

**Erin's POV**

I was fuming. How could people in Middle-Earth be so stupid? Boromir, seeing my discomfort, put a hand on my arm to calm me and I sighed. My newfound relaxation didn't last for very long though, as-

BANG

-the doors to the hall were pushed open. Everyone turned, and to my absolute shock and horror there were six people framed in the doorway, two of whom definitely shouldn't have been there at all.

Three were some of Faramir's men. They were restraining two very small and very underfed forms who seemed to be struggling for escape, and slap bang in the middle was Faramir himself, a golden chain hung around his neck and the One Ring resting on his chest.

"Gandalf?" One of the small people asked and with a start I realised- It was Sam! And Frodo was the one next to him looking distraught and thoroughly pissed.

The horrific nature of the situation could be described by the fact that Gandalf- the White Wizard- was struck dumb.

"Sam?" I whispered, and groaned. How could things get this messed up this quickly? It had all been going so well!

"Erin! Mr. Frodo is sick, he needs medicine, please help him... It's the Ring, you see..."

Suddenly Frodo growled, almost inhuman. His face became sort of... demonic... The Ring had a serious hold on him.

Faramir was looking at his brother as if he was the worst thing he had ever seen. He paled, before stepping forward to look more closely at Boromir.

"Brother? We thought you dead, we believed-"

"The Ring, Faramir. Why do you have the Ring?!"

"Brother, it is a gift! It can restore the might of Gondor, it can help us!"

Denethor decided to join the reunion.

"Faramir has done well Boromir! Can you not see how useful this is, do you not wish for Gondor to be as it once was? The mightiest of all realms?"

"SILENCE!"

The room darkened as Gandalf's staff hit the ground once, twice, three times.

"You cannot wield this. You must return the Ring to Frodo!"

"But he can't bear it any more Gandalf, it's driving him mad!" Sam yelled, and there was a temporary lull.

"Where is Gollum?" I whispered to myself, but Boromir heard me. He repeated the question, aiming it at Faramir who sighed.

"The creature has been bound and locked away. It is a murderous little-"

"Oh my God, do you have to mess up everything you bloody see?! The entire fate of Middle-Earth rests upon destroying this ring, and what do you do? You go and take it! Oh, and you let the Ringbearer go insane while you're at it! Good job, good job!"

** Cat's POV**

By the time Éomer and I had tired of our little poke war, it was noon. We were lying on the grass in a random little field waiting for something... _anything_ to happen.

"I'm so bored..." I sighed, and Éomer glanced sideways at me.

"You and I both, Cat. No news from Gondor then?"

"Éomer, if I knew anything you'd be the first person I would tell."

The man of Rohan just sighed and rolled onto his side to face me.

"Do you not know what will happen though? Do you have at least an idea?

"No, Éomer, I don't. The beacons should have been lit by now. We should have left yesterday! But we're bloody well stuck!"

Éomer smiled slightly, reaching out to brush a strand of hair away from my face.

"I'm sure everything will work out."

Yeah right Brony. Like that has ever happened to me... Ever.

**Erin's POV**

After my little outburst, Boromir had quickly escorted me outside to stop me from attempting to strangle Faramir and Denethor.

"Erin, you must understand that Faramir does not know about the true power of the Ring... He only knows what my father has seen.

I did a double-take.

"What do you mean, 'seen'? As in... Palantír-type seeing?"

"Yes. My father has apparently seen Minas Tirith destroyed... in flames. With the Ring he believes that he can stop this."

"You understand that that isn't possible don't you? The Ring will cause that destruction, not-"

"Erin, I see that now. I am no longer weak to the Ring. It has no power over me anymore."

I smiled shakily up at him and he touched my cheek.

"Trust me, Erin... I will not let anything that I care about be harmed by Sauron. Not now, not ever."


	24. Dammit Faramir!

**Erin's POV**

By the time Boromir and I went back inside there was a full-scale debate raging. Frodo and Sam were being pretty much ignored by everyone, Sam having to hold Frodo up to stop him from collapsing. Faramir was yelling angrily at Gandalf, backed up by his father, and Faramir's men were looking quite awkward, standing in a corner looking at eachother.

Boromir charged forward immediately to join the fight and I sighed, seeing that once again it was on me to shut everyone up.

"CALM YOUR TITS, EVERYONE! Faramir, dismiss those idiots over there."

Surprisingly, the guy did what I told him to, seeming to understand that what I was about to say was private.

"I need you all to listen up. We need to get Frodo and Sam to the Houses of Healing. We need to pack them plenty of supplies, and we need to get them on their way to Mordor double-quick. Everything else is secondary to that."

"Erin is right." Boromir said. "We must get the Ring to Frodo. However, the beacons must be lit immediately."

"Brother, you cannot simply order the beacons to be lit! We do not need aid. We have the Ring!"

"Faramir listen!" Gandalf demanded. "The Ring must not be used. You must give it away, or it will consume you!"

Gandalf looked left and right, before realising that no-one was volunteering to take the Ring.

"Boromir, Erin. You must go and find Pippin. Tell him to have the beacons lit!"

"Wait, what? Where's Pippin?"

"...The hobbit has sworn fealty to Lord Denethor."

"Exactly. He follows my orders now, you cannot-"

"STAHP!"

Everyone looked at me, confused.

"This is good!" I yelled, surprisingly happily. "We can get things back on track! Boromir, you're Captain-General of Gondor, right? Sort it out!"

There was a rather pregnant pause, broken by Faramir. He looked guilty, refusing to look at his brother any more than necessary.

"Boromir, we believed you dead... They gave me the title of Captain-General and I am not willing to give it back. I will keep it, and the Ring. You are no longer fit to be in command."

"Screw this! I'm gonna take the hobbits to Isengard- I mean, the Houses of Healing- and when I get back the beacons better be lit and the Ring's gotta be in a safe place, you got me?"

With that, I marched out of the hall, dragging two hobbits along after me.

**Cat's POV**

"...Éomer?"

"If you're going to tell me that the beacon hasn't been lit, I will throw you off a cliff."

"Actually, I was going to tell you that I think it _has_ been lit..."

Éomer jumped up, shielding his eyes to look into the distance. Suddenly, he turned and sprinted towards Meduseld.

"Hey! Wait for me! Brony, come back!"

The Brony did an about-turn and grabbed me, picking me up so that we could move a little faster.

"This is not what I meant! Put me down you crazy son-of-a-gun!"

When we arrived at Meduseld, Éomer didn't even greet Háma. He didn't even wait for the doors to be opened, just shoved them and ran into the hall.

"You can put me down now..." I whispered loudly, and he grinned, before placing me gently onto my feet.

"The beacons have been lit. Gondor calls for our aid! Do we respond?"

Théoden looked at his nephew and smiled, but it was grim.

"Light the beacon. Ready the men. We head for Gondor!"

**Erin's POV**

When I got back from delivering the hobbits, there was an all-out yelling match taking place between Boromir and Faramir.

"Hand over the Ring, Faramir! It is a danger to everyone!

"How many times must I remind you brother, it is a gift!"

I had had enough. I walked right up to Faramir, ripped the chain from around his neck and slapped him as hard as I possibly could.

"Shut up, both of you! Boromir, what are you thinking, asking for the Ring! And Faramir, stop being so thick and hand back the title of Captain-General so that we can get this show on the road! Have the beacons been lit?"

"Yes, I believe so. Gandalf left a short while ago to find Pippin, and I think he had a plan."

Cool, things were catching up. With some luck Rohan would arrive on time and we could get Frodo and Sam back on track.

"Who will come, besides Rohan?" I asked, and Faramir started slightly.

"Rohan is coming to our aid?"

"Yeah. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. It's a talent. By the way, get to know the Lady of Rohan. She's pretty awesome..." I winked, and Boromir gave a snort of laughter.

"Was that really necessary?"

"Of course it was. Why wouldn't it be?"

"Moving onwards, I presume that Imrahil will help us. Other than that, I don't know. Faramir, have you ordered that the women and children leave the city?"

Faramir was blinking rapidly, looking confused. He eyed the Ring in my hands with distaste and then smiled at his older brother.

"You're the Captain-General of Gondor, aren't you? I hand you back your title."

Boromir looked shocked at first and them grinned, embracing his brother. However, Faramir still had another bombshell to drop.

"I leave for Osgiliath shortly, father thinks it will be attacked soon. I-"

"Bloody hell..."

**Cat's POV**

It was raining. The skies were completely overcast and thunder was- Sorry. I got a little dramatic and poetic-y there, I'll cut the crap.

The guys who were going to fight were assembled and ready to head off. I seemed to be the only woman there, but I knew that Éowyn would be joining the party- or was already there. Éomer looked at me and asked for the twentieth time:

"Are you sure you want to go?"

I laughed it off, and mounted my horse.

"'Course I'm sure, Brony! Now come on, you're meant to be up front and I'm gonna come with you."

I rode forward with Éomer and placed myself behind Théoden. I wasn't letting the guy out of my sight until all of this was over.

As our little procession headed out of Edoras, women and children threw flowers in our paths. The realisation was sudden: _Erin might not be waiting for me. Erin could be dead by the time we reach Minas Tirith..._

Thankfully, Éomer didn't look around at that moment, because I didn't want him to see me cry again.

For Death and Glory, I thought.

_For Death and Glory._

_**For Death and Glory.**_


End file.
